Revenge Is Sweet

True Story By Fredrick Van Dam (tis a girl)

My brother has always made fun of me. Says, I don't see the truth. You are blind, he says. I wonder the time to show him. I lie awake every night, and think of every possible way to kill him. I haven't thought of a really thing that will deserve him. Perhaps maybe peeling off his skin, will show him, but maybe its more of a true gruesome fact. He makes fun of me ever so much.

I'm going insane

Trapped, in this black box, hearing forever his taunting cries.

I cannot go on like this any longer.'

But what? can I do?

Its a simple question, that makes my burden more terrible to bear.

Every howl that escapes from his mouth, is enough to make me cry in pain..

Cry. Cry.

MY mother, he killed, my father he killed, will he kill me too? So many scars, from each time he hit me. ALl those things I remember very clearly. I wish we could get along. Perhaps peeling of his skin I know, will show him. Making him into a fur coat for winter will show him. But, all those things, I have thought of. Could even just kill him. Yet, why can't I have the courage to do so? I'm afraid. SO very afraid. Why? A simple question runs through my mind. I remember the thing my mother used to say. "Revenge is sweet, but it's not the only way."

So hard I try, to find, the other way. Yet, its never there. When will it be? SHall I try? TO make friends with him? Will it work?

"Is it so hard," I ask, "to become friends?" Expecting yet another taunt, I get a different answer. "No," he says. "But it is, if we want it so." "I dont want it so!" I cry. "You made it that way," He says. We embrace.

Now I know the truth, which I had been pushing away so long. My dear mother, my father, killed? No. Died, it was their own fault. An escape. Why? Why would they do such things? But I understand. He helps me understand.

~>~>~>~>~>~

Three cheers for Fredrick!! ExcELLENT STORIE!!

International Guffaws

Report by Miss. Redfa

The idea of guffawing, is another old way to laugh. Its simple, but its gaurenteed to be famouse. Excuse me but why? Because its gaurenteed to be fresh fun, and internationally, enjoyable for children of all ages, faces, places, except of course children who are very very inexcusably serious, and do not believe in international guffaws, for example, one of our own reporters, Miss. Hanselfa. Miss. Hanselfa, as you know, is a very talented teacher, who happens to be publically shy, so she cannot speak to her own beautiful emrald pupils. If you get lost in her eyes, you will be looking very closely at them, because they are really very beautiful!

She will be getting married soon, and she misses her fiance very much, in fact, as much as he loves her, which is a little, as they haven't really gotten to know each other very well, but are working towards it everyday, and cannot stand a moment alone without each other! (A/N: OHHH!! How SWEEEEEEEETT!! *glares* Ugh, yuck yuck mush!)

ANYWAYS!! Guffawing, is really very fun, so I daresay you should try it. (A/N: (to teacher) You don't look very much pretty ya know. Teacher: YOU don't look too much like an earthling!! Author: OH rEALLY! I am too very much loking like an earthling I am! (looks like a frog from Samreen's point of view! *throws up hands* Oh well!!)

Anahasoor Brainpiece at YOUR Service, and Ours Too!

Anahasoor Brainpiece, The Senses Restaurant is finally open for business! It promises delightful meals and awesome prices. Said Mr. Kelly Maaaaaort "I'z alwaiz loved to eat and it was zo expensive to do so. I be so happy NOW!"

Anahasoor Brainpiece charges prices considering five different things. To see da scrumptious yummiez it costs 50 cents. To hear the foodz sizzlin’ it costs 1 dollar. To touch the burningness of the meals it costs $1.50. To smell the delightful mouthwatering stinks, it’s a $2.00 job. And to taste anything and everything you just got to pay a mere $3.00!!

Also noted was that if you did any of the above unintentionally, you still hafta pay! “We cant take excuses!” roared Miss Ana Hasoor the queen chef of the restaurant.

Mayor Kerplump attended the grand opening with glowing pleasure. He said “This innovation is sure to change dis world.” He beamed delightedly. “Dis way to charge prices is da best. Lord knows how many people pay to eat when all dey wanted to do was simply sniff!!”

His speech ended with great applauses from all over, shaking the city back and forth.

Paloochie’s Visit to the Zoo
Paloochie visited the zoo last week. She came back ver dissapointed. Below is a transcript of her talk with the ticket booth manager.

Welcome to the Zoo: Hello.! Welcome to the zoo! Your the zebra!
Paloochie: You live in the zoo?
Welcome to the Zoo: Yes, yes, ‘course!
Paloochie: okay, so you must be the monkey
Welcome to the Zoo: Nah, i'm the money collector
Welcome to the Zoo: monkey without the k
Paloochie: I heard there was a very naughty monkey at the zoo that is mashing up computers
Paloochie: it must be u
Welcome to the Zoo: $5 dollars please!
Paloochie: because money collectors don’t live in zoos
Welcome to the Zoo: Nope.! This one does. Money PLZ?
Paloochie: so HAH!
Welcome to the Zoo: HellO! You didnt pay the fee yet!
Paloochie: I dont give $dollars
Welcome to the Zoo: Its not a free zoo!
Welcome to the Zoo: 5 dollars PLeASE!
Paloochie: Sir, I dont hand out money to monkeys so HAH!
Paloochie: No money 4 u
Welcome to the Zoo: Sir, zebra's aren't allowed here for free.. HAND THE MONEY AT ONCE!
Welcome to the Zoo: moneeey.. moNEY PLEASE MONEY~ MY MONEY! MY MOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Welcome to the Zoo: mommmmmmmmmeeeyyyyyyy moneeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy monkeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy please?
Paloochie: Thats good, so now this a weird zoo. Zebras pay and monkeys collect!
Paloochie: out of here!
Welcome to the Zoo: nooooooo! you havent paid yet
Paloochie: I don't know where the topic of zebra even came from
Welcome to the Zoo: yea, ur classified as a zebra in this zoo!
Paloochie: Perhaps you have been collecting from zebras too much today or you hate them quite well.
Welcome to the Zoo: none are correct
Paloochie: I am a normal human who does not tolerate such unethical name-calling.
Paloochie: manners, please
Welcome to the Zoo: ah, well i don't care. I’m a type of human that doesn’t stand manners.
Welcome to the Zoo: I've GROWN UP IN THE ZOO YOU KNOW!! not my fault
Paloochie: You are a monkey. Please do not confuse human and monkey. They are quite separate.
Welcome to the Zoo: unethical name calling please.
Welcome to the Zoo: AHA! I SHALL CONFUES ZEBRA's with human's then!
Welcome to the Zoo: if u object to monkey's, zebra's will do.
Paloochie: I think you have confused everything with everything already, so it is nothing new
Welcome to the Zoo: Yes, Yes, Old Old Old
Paloochie: see you later monkey
Welcome to the Zoo: SEE YA ZEBRAA!
Paloochie: Is zebra leaving at the same time I am?
Welcome to the Zoo: *you still haven't paid yet* sad sad
Paloochie: This is strange!
Welcome to the Zoo: ahhhh YOU ARE THE zeBrA
Paloochie: plus, why is he leaving at all?
Paloochie: He should live in the zoo and be happy like yuou.
Welcome to the Zoo: cuz he/you refused to pay for the food and shelter we provide him here in the zoo
Paloochie: I said, no name calling.
Paloochie: MANNERS, please
Welcome to the Zoo: i said, no manner
Welcome to the Zoo: nno mannnnners! name calling please!!
Paloochie: NAUGHTY monkey! NAUGHTY monkey! NAUGHTY monkey! NAUGHTY monkey!
Welcome to the Zoo: puh leaseeeeeeeeee?
Paloochie: NO!
Welcome to the Zoo: yes YES YES YES~
Welcome to the Zoo: name calling!
Welcome to the Zoo: yes, yes, yes,
Paloochie: I dont even care, so hahahahahhaha
Welcome to the Zoo: bad zebra. shoooooh!
Welcome to the Zoo: YOU DIDNT PAY YET!
Paloochie: because now I am going and you can bother everyone you want
Paloochie: byebye
Welcome to the Zoo: we've been providing u with food for years. and u aren’t even grateful!
Welcome to the Zoo: OFF YA GO! buh bye!
Welcome to the Zoo: we can't tolerate this anymore! sorry..!
Paloochie: I am sorry to here of such terrible treatment of the zebra. Isn;t living in a cage sufficient torture for him?
Paloochie: Oh, no wonder, this is a zoo run by a monkey
Welcome to the Zoo: nope, da more torture the better. its for the zebra's i.e your own training you no.
Welcome to the Zoo: Yes yes yes. its a wonder that u actually accepted my invitation to live in the zoo.
Welcome to the Zoo: i should have talked to u about the money, etc *sad sad*
Welcome to the Zoo: wellll! OFF YA GO!
Paloochie: I think you take a little time to understand some simple stuff: I AM A NORMAL human who does not tolerate such unethical name-calling.
Welcome to the Zoo: your not worthey of living here in my precious zoo~! BAD BAD ZEBRA~ NAUGHT MONKEY!
Welcome to the Zoo: well i am different!!
Welcome to the Zoo: and i treat people who are dff then me like zebra;s
Welcome to the Zoo:aha, am i a reaaaaaaal monkey?
Paloochie: u must be very alone
Paloochie: I think that living withut company has spoiled ur manners
Welcome to the Zoo: or a human called monkey
Paloochie: very undesiarbly
Paloochie: you should go to monkey land
Welcome to the Zoo: no, no. i live with company.. lots of goats, cows, dogs, birds, lions, cheethas
Welcome to the Zoo: and yes, they teach goooood manners
Welcome to the Zoo: ANNIMAL MANNERS ARE THE BEST!

[bye bye from both]

Bad Luck Friday?

More like an awesome Friday the 13^th! The first this city has had in a couple of years!! First, the Riddle Mystery has been solved. Thats the good news part of it. The bad news is, that they're more annoyinger than ever! Second, Miss. Samreen has been removed of the title Miss. Affending, and I, old lady Asiya, have reclaimed the title meant to be mine.. FOREVER!!! So, keep sending in those letters people!!! I'll be waiting with plenty of good advice, (and the U.S. marines)!!! Third, Miss. Looking For a Heart, has finally found one, and Miss. P. P. Ferri has solved her problem with her husband and kids being half werwolves (and half fairies on the account of the children)!! She has divorced her family of freaks, and went away to find a new family that would be much more like her ferrish, and pretty self. Good Luck!!

To all of you, I wish Good Luck and a good night!! Bye! Buh bye!! bYee!! Buh BYEEEEEEE!!

Robbers in Hallowell

Robbers attacked the quiet town of Hallowell, demanding glassess of milk. "I- I- I- was soo scared, I had nothing to do, but- but give em the glasses of egg nog!! But, my clever childer called my granny, and- and *brr shivers* she came." says Mamma Hallowell linking arms with Papa Hallowell. Granny Hallowell did come, but the robbers denied any knowing of doing such things as stealing glasses of milk! "Ugh! Why would anyone do such a thing as blame ME, of a thing as stealing? AND GLASSES OF MILK! How absurd can ya be?" says famouse Ski lander Jenny Poe Jackson. But, Granny H. has founded proof to such things, "The culprits were found with inexcusable proof. They all had thick white milk mustaches!" says she.

"HOW HOW HOW! Is that inexcusable proof?" Asks Miss. Merridal Poppenhiemer. "Anyone could have a thick white mustache made of milk!" But she and her crew were also found in the Hallowell kitchen, chocking the clever childer that called Granny H. That, is inexcusable proof as far as any eye can see. So, they have been arrested for stealing precious eggnogg, and for harrasing, and choking the counties sixth most financial advisors, the Hallowells.

The Grinch Comez Back

Christmas is coming, and the merry folk are running running away! Why do this, at this strange day? Why because the grinch is coming back, some folks say. Coming back to haunt Christmas FOREVER!!! This ain't halloween, ma'am, so why go do this, bam bam bam?

WEll now, as you can see from the rhyme provided by Miss Whee, Christmas will NEVER come!!! Because of the DUMMY WUMMY Grinch! I wanna bed, and some coca, or I'm not doing this DUM report!!!

HUMPH~!! *gets whacked on the head* Alright alright... *shuffles a stack of papers*

Ahh, yes, the Grinch has escaped from the county jail, and sherrifs are frantically trying to find him. Our last chrismas was ruined, so why ruin this one? Nonsense! It must go on! Christmas MUST go on!!!

*sigh* Too boring.. bye! *waves*

Mayor Apartment's Death Day Celebrated
In case ya'all forgot December 13th is also the Death Day of Mayor Apartment (Mayor White House Green House for short), who brutally passed away in peace 43 yearz ago.

Crowds gathered around the city, with strong concentrations near the Central House, partying and celebrating this great day. Said Mr. Pooztay a 91 year old man of Orange Applez "He waz da best mayor dis city ever gotted!!! This day should be celebraaaaaated forever, cuz it was the day he finally left!!"

Miss Poozie agreeed adding "My dad and his dad before that all grew up under his reign! And they hadz the best childhoodz ever. They sayz he was da sweetest man in da world! When he left it was soo a relief!! 12-13 RULES!"

Headaches and Headdoes

Theen chaar panch chay saaath.. How far can you count? Sayzz Mr. Willy Tilly Frilly Hilly "I finally learned da number three!! Oh my!! It took me like four yearz to memorize it! Ya! Im a geniuz!"

"My head starts hurting when anyone mentions the word numbers so dont talk to me about them!!" Exclaimed Zoo Face.

Santi Plause seemed more sensical as she exclaimed she had memorized all the way till fifty-two. "The rest beyond that point is toooooooo hard!!"

"Mein tho sirif panch thak gin sakti houn" said little Rowelllzas sweetly.

A Bit about the Bloody Bombarians
Our previous story (see 12-12-02 in archives) about the interview with the BBs confused a couple of folks, who were wondering who exactly the BBs were. We hope this will answer all inquires. ;))

They say once there was a group of six
Three men, three women and they lived in Ricks.
Said the women to the men, one very fine day
"The world is so filled with delicious prey
Let us hunt every living being day and night
It wouldnt be hard, already we are much of a fright
And when we kill anyone, we eat
Leaving their bones and gobbling their meat."

The men were delighted and they replied
"Oh, lets start right away, before the people hide
Oh lets start right now, our stomachs are grumbling!
We'll rule the world, we could hear the monarchy crumbling!"

And so the Bloody Bomabrians set right out,
Their goal was one, without a doubt
To be the only residents of the universe
Killing every other living thing without a curse!

Beautiful Affairs

Miss. Samantha Jones has some issues about Miss. Merridal Poppenhiemer, who is a smashing young woman in material arts. "I've been trying to get to the black belt for AGES!!" said Jones in her interview, late Friday afternoon. "I've been TRYING but I didn't get it! WHY WHY WHY?" "I don't know! I don't know! I just don't know! Why doesn't she stop asking me that? Why doesn't she stop asking me that? Why doesn't she stop asking me that? HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH!" "BECAUSE YOURE A BIG FAT JERK WHO IS A JERKISHLY REPEATER!!"

But after that hardcore battle they had, the martial arts women have been friends ever since, which was a second ago.!

My beautiful Pera, won't you return to me? Won't you?

Email Culprit Caught!

Does this sound familiar? You recieve an email or an e-card from someone who seems to know you, and then you find out its a total stranger? No need to worry more, the biggest email culprit has been caught red-handed!! Says Mr. Tritly" I was sooooooooo happy when I heard da newz, I was like juggling my wife's shoes! Mr. Fire Dragons 5678 has been so a pain to me lately, I was worrying the whole nights through until my hair turned white. And I through UP!! On my dogs sweater's children.. Oooh I'm so happE! now!"

Mr. Fire Dragons 5678 is the culprit according to the City Police. The lady was caught red-handed (with spots of green AND blue) as she tried to play double act and trick her best friend. Said she on her arrest " Jail is cool! YEA!!!!! FOREVER ME !!!"

Miss Soozy Peez was enthralled by the news. She claimeed "MY lifve was killinj me and girl was bot-her! I waz yelllllling and craming cracka's in mah mouth and geezing my dogs to stay quiet help muRDERERD!!"

Readers are encouraged to email Mr. Fire Dragons 5678 at firedragons5678@hotmail.com for shaming her majesty furtherz!!

YAYA! CELEBRATIONs have been announced throught the city for dis great discovery.

10 minutes till Slob Attack!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, EIGHT MINUTES TILL SLOB ATTACK!!!

*HELP! PALOOCHA!!*

*Paloocha runs comez walkz, etc forward*
Paloocha: Yes Sir.
Madam XTRA: Help! I need your help!
Paloocha: Yes Madam. Most delightedly! What does you be needing?
Madam XTRA: Sir paloochA!! The SLOBZ ARE ATTACKING! In 7 minutes actually! WE NEED YOUR HELPZ! TAKE ARMY! RUN! QuiCK!
Paloocha: Whoa girl, calm down! Yes YEs at your service
*runz ooff*

Madam XTRA: Titly Bachi!! BUTTERFLIES HELP!!
Titly (in a very patli awaaz): Yes, sir.
Madam XTRA: HELP! The Slobz are gonnna attack in 6 minutes! GO WITH YOUR HUSBAND.! AttacK! Finish them all! now HURRY@@
Titly: Sure Madam! *curtsies*

Madam XTRA: MOOJYBOO!!! HELLP!! COME HURRY FASTTHIS SECOND!!
Moojyboo: Yes sir. WHat d'ya need help in? I be happy to help!
Madam XTRA: MooJY, 5 MINUTES TILL SLOBZ ATTACK! QUICK! emergency!!! WE NEED PROTECTION! Go with your sonz to the battlefield and slay them all down!
Moojyboo: Yes Madam. Off i go!

Madam XTRA: HELP Pagal! HELP! PAGAAAAAAAAAL!!
Pagal: Yes sir.
Madam XTRA: 4 minutes tiill Slobz attack!! Quick, unbury your brainz and runn!! HELP THE TOWN! WAAAAAAAAAH!
Pagal: Yes, Madam, At your service.

*interuption* *Titly's Husband comes in"
Titly's Husband: Please Lady, Our womenfolk are tired of standing, the Slobz arent gonna attaaaack! Puhleaze lady!! Zcuse them!!
Madam XTRA: NOt on my dead body! 3 minutes till town is dead. 3 minutes till Slorbz Att-ACK!

Madam XTRA: HELP POOOOLEEZ!! POOOLLLEEC!
Police: Yes sir!
Madam XTRA: The Slorbz are supposed to attack uhs in 2 minutes. Help protect the city
Police: Surely Madam, and we are already doing just tha-t!

Madam XTRA: nooooo!! one minute left waaaaaaaaaaaaaah/ *wals her heart of* *falls on the floor dead*

*minute passes*

*Slorbz attack*

CITY DEAD! Nooooooooo!!!

BBs have a Found Nanny!

Announcement- The Bloody Bombarians announced just today, that they have discovered their long lost Granny Glory. Says Mark Jones official spokeperson for the BBs, 'Hahah! In your face you rotten Magarqians! Now we have a Granny too! A granny that defeats all! Granny GlorY!!!'

Well well, we'll see about that. We have just gotten news that this Grammy Glory is a big black man, wearing glasses and t-shorts, and shirts, with a very hairy body. 'I-I-see her everytime she bathes herself in the little pool in the Magarq Manor, an an.. she's very hariy and UGLY' says Mizz Pandoola. 'Arr... Pandoola.. strange girl.. I'm not a ma- YOU!! MARK!! GET YER SELF BACK IN THE BED YOUNG MAN BEFORE I CALL THE PROPER AUTHORITIES ON YOU!! NOW!! GIT GIT GITTTTT!! GIDDYAP!!!"

And now begins the interview of the Spokesperson, of their beuatiful granny:

Miss. Affending- Well.. how do you like your new grammy Glory?
Mark- *flinches* *flashback..*

Caps- Grammy Glory
Normal- Mark Jones

"YOU! MARK! WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN THEY ASK YOU IF YOU LIKE ME? WHAT DO YOU SAY? WHAT DOOOOOOO YOU SAY?"
"Th-that I like you very much ma'am!"
"DAMN RIGHT YOU DO!!! NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN THEY ASK HOW YOU ARE TREATED?"
"I am treated very badly because she makes us do all the chores?"
"DANG!! HOW'M AH SUPPOSED TO GET IT IN YO STUPID HEAD? WHAT DO YOU SAY? AGAIN, LOUD AND CLEAR!"
"That you are very nice, and we get to do all the chores?"
"DAMN RIGHT I AM!!"
"...."
"NOW! GET IN THERE, AND DO YO STUFF!!!"
"R-r-ight!!"
"GO!!! AND BEHAVE YOURSELF YO FATTY!"
"Y-y-es Ma'am...!"
*end flashback*

Mark- *squrms* (voice in head- say the truth! Mark- no no! She'll kill!! voice in head- yah yo right m'man.. and OUTTTTTT!!) I like her very much, ma'am!!
Miss. Affending- *mockingly* An' why you say that my dear Bloody B?
Mark- C-cause she's the nicest ever! AN' she she.. is strict, and spanks us when we're good, an.. an.. she makes us in to slaves! I luv her!! (translation- She's the meanest slut ever, and she calls us sluts, and she illiglay enslaved us.. an an.. I HATE HER!)
Miss. Affending- *dissapointed* Riteee.. okay .... thats enuf.. my dea bloddy b! AND OUTTTTTTTTTT!!

Her Fame Still Burns Bright

She was a sensation, born in the wildest of plains, and coming to live in the country, not hearing the wild cries of her beautiful beast of a mother to become a lady. Coming here was the choice of her life, and she became a pop star with her sweet ways. Now, Nancy Drew is dead, but we still remember. Her fame still beats bright in the heart that will keep beating until the end of time, although it does not beat as healthy as it did before.

"She got the beat
Yeah yeah...
She got the beat
Oh oh ohh..."

"Tis a shame" Says Miss. Tritinay, crying as she pats her basketballl size tummy. "Me and MUH childerrs loved her hard!!" "I MISS MY BEAUTIFUL BABY!!" says Mrs. Drew, Nancy's mother. "I mainly wanted her money, but.. now I can't have it!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

A Time To Be Born

Two quadruplets, were brutally birthed from their mother. Townsfoke are currently conferring what to do with these lovely things. 'OOOH! I know I know! Make them do chores at the Baker Street first, cause thats the buisiest, and then go on with all the other streets!" Says Miss. Mrittly. Of course, as you know, the lovely things are to become slaves, as it is the right thing to do for a town of caring guardians. 'Don't forget the saying, "It takes a town to raise a child!"' says Miss. Paloocha. And everyone agrees, so the elders of the Affending clan say yes to Prop. 45- MAKE EM SLAVES!!!!

four more people under a rest

four more folks have been put to ah sleep this wednesday according to the city doctors. the sleeping pills were forced in cuz the victims were thought to have participated in the spreading of the winter flu. "we dont know when we'll let them free.. wake them up.." said head doctor miss pelled. "surely not sometime soon!!"

the winter flu has terrified residents every winter for now more then a decade. its cause is unknown but it is thought that the four sleepers have something ta do with it.. so thats why they now are a rested. teha.

The Tale of Two Donkeys

Samantha Jones and co were recently cruising the town of "The Tale of Two Donkeys". They've currently finished acquiring this much information on the citizens of the late town.

If you find anybody fitting thier descriptions even a teeny weeny bit, please contact us IMMIDIATELY either by Broadcasting Yourself or calling us @ toll free 1-800-KURIOUS and speak to our *live* answering machine about that. Thankewzs!

NOTE: THE DEATHS MENTIONED HERE *MIGHT* NOT BE TRUE AND THE PEOPLE MIGHT STILL BE ROAMING 'ROUND HERE!! freaaky or what?

So here goes...
Princess Loli was an awesome coolio. A true hot KID. Duh!! Jub Jub was another hot kid who loved to play with her best friend Pencil Box. Mr. Box who was Pencil’s dad did not allow Jub Jub to play with such cheapo girls. He told Jub Jub to play with hot kids like herself and Jub Jub thought that he meant to play with herself! And so Jub Jub went to Trophy Magnet the wise hot kid leader and asked for an advice. Ms. Magnet told her to play with Mail Stickier. Mail said she ain’t gonna play with anybody but herself. Jub Jub thought it was boring to be a hot kid. She resigned.

Mike Calsco Danny was a lody boy who sang squeaky. CD or as he was known as, was very annoying to Hitler. Hitler complained daily that CD was too lody to be alive. He killed CD.

Then came the monster brothers Sydney Microphone and Mirror Green. They were fat and mowed lawns. Brushing Hair was cool to them. As you might have not known, Brushing Hair was their Mom. They loved school, and once they were told to stay home and they both shouted no! They were killed shortly afterwards.

Then came Ummagine Sally aka Fishwalk. Ummagine Sally was a very pretty girl that loved to walk dogs and fishes. Fishwalk certainly earned lots of money doing that! Pretty soon she became a millionaire and a selfish human girl. But as soon as she became a millionaire she drank a potion known as Life Burg. That killed her.

Jhodora Dark was next on the stage. She sold potions and spells to make a living. But the potion and spells turned against here. She died.

Kauvara Applepot came next. She loved Popsicle and Pop Star. Popsicle and Pop Star were sisters. Miss Applepot played with them daily until the great flood that caused the Star sisters to turn against her. They slaughtered her. They died soon afterwards too.

Little Magician was a cutesy who had no sense of Art and Craft. Art and Craft hired Superman to do something terrible to him. Superman killed Little Magician. Little Magician died. Superman died too. His ghost continues to kill people though. But hopefully will stop soon if not today.

Mcline Randall was a doll. A boy doll in fact. He came alive in the 4th of July. And died on the 14th of August. Short life, eh?

Congratulations Everybody shouted a lot. Congratulations Everybody was a 6th grade buller in the school on the sky; Mr. Little School was his teacher. Mr. Little School was the founder of the school. Most people in the town of “A Tale of Two Donkeys” did not attend school, so they were uneducated. Congratulations was educated. Education killed him and so the saying runs: Education killed Congratulations.

Samantha Flower Parts Jones H. H. was a snow-teenager. Everyone feared her, and so they banished her, and made her live in the Snow Caves, with her friend Nancy Draws A Lot A Little Too Much. Together they got lots of kryptonite, and pelted Bat Man with it, when he tried to rescue the girls. They soon died, after finding out they were SuperTeen, and SuperArt, and both could die from kryptonite.

Mizz Susie Magulliah Tristantical Minorra Mizzipia Mc Heffner was the founder of freckles, and the prettiest woman in the whole world with the longest name. It was said that she had married one of her elf friends, but no one believed it true, so they were equally surprised when Mizz Susie’s son had magical powers. He was mental, and never existed.

Liquid Gorreela was a first class school girl. She never got an F even though she was mostly really close to getting that. She always cheated and sometimes even told on herself to her teacher. Luzika Masiolz, who happened to be her mother, found out and killed her the very second!

Simon Stealing Blood happened to be a thief. He used to say that stealing was in his blood and he couldn’t help it when asked why. Simon’s mother, Grrreatt Morty Cheating Blood loved his habit and told him to cheat also. Simon thought that cheating was super bad and he killed his mom who killed him back!! The end of both….

Lisa luvs Monkeyz was a tornado lover. She ate, drank, and even slept them. Everybody hated her for doing that. Everybody told tornado that Lisa only likes him cause she thought he was rich. Tornado quickie got mad at Everybody because she was almost saying he wasn’t rich. No Human loved luvs Monkeyz so she told Torandoe that and Tornadoe quickie killed Lisa cause he hated No Human.

Gnaw on Tooth was a sad monk. She tried her hardest to live in the palace forever. Sadly, her only *akloti* daughter didn't kno how to cook and so she had to cook for her. But then she got a brilliant idea and told her daughter to buy at fast food shopz. Her daughter agreed unwillingly and cried that of her wish that the palace be her home too.

Trilly McMilly CLoth was a lady porcupine who swore that if she saw Santi Claus she'd rip his enemy's into two. She screamed when she heard that her husband was going to eat the guts out of her. "YUK! LORD LORD!! HELP ME! GOD!" No one or thing came to help so she soon became gutless.

Shakulayayyyyaaaaaaaa was a twinkle star. She lived way up in the sky, so I have not a bit of time to go up, and research about her twinkly life.

BroadayyayyayhB!

No more people of our knowledge have spent some time in the town of “A Tale of Two Donkeys”.

Little Freiyt's Died

We just recieved this newz from the castle of Ms. Princess Dorfy. Princess Dorfy loved to wander and roam in her palaces courtyard because it pleased it to do so. And also, she had a real pretty rose garden that didn’t possess evil magic.

She had three princess friends of course as princess’s only play with their fellow princesses: Dorky, Dorkier, and Dorkiest.

Dorky loved to play on her seesaw and bonk little prince’s heads. One day Dorfy, whose Hispanic family was in Spain, called and said that they miss her. Dorfy resigned her role as a Hispanic. Dorkier loved music and often told her friends about her great love for it. Dorkiest was the smartest and wisest and was planning to become a true prodigy.

One day, when all the friends were swimming in the swamp, superman came swooping down and killed one of them and asked Dorkiest for safety which she delightedly accepted because she hated superman and thought it would be a wise thing to do. The person who was killed was not a friend. Her name was Little Freiyt and she loved to pray in the rain. It was her hobby to do so.

So, everybody said, who cares about Little Freiyt? , but little did they know that her hair was real gold. Her bouncy golden curls were true to their words as they had promised her that when she dies they would turn into gold. Superman was the only man who knew the secret and said that if a man was in need of money Little Freiyt was the area to go.

Sad or what? A terrible loss of *riches* to the whole entire community. *sob*

Bizarre Diseases Strike Southnorthern Wacoia

As more and more citizens of Lialo, (located in Southnorthern Wacoia) capture the latest disease, life there is going crazy. All residents in the area have been warned to stay home during night light hours as the diseases are life threatening.

Common symptoms of this strangeness include sleeping with closed eyes, eating with teeth, sleeping at night, laughing at anything out of the norm, and a sudden dislike for brocolli.

Exclaims Susad Braaan, who attends Ladies Elementary Collage, "My little brother fell asleep last night and, and, OUCH!! I had to wake him up because I didnt want poor mama to fear that her son was ill. But now everyone knows he is ill. Oh how sad. I feel lonely sleeping because my little brother has already done so in the night. A piTy!! He is my only sibling. He was my only companion.."

Letters to Miss. Affending

Dear Miss. Affending,

I am a lonely person, without a heart. I have to know how to get a heart. The old lady Asiya said it'd cure my loniliness, the heart will. So I wahz wondering, how do you get a heart? I mean are they rare? Coz if they are, then I don't think I want one, coz it'll probably cost a lot, and old lady Asiya said that lonliness cures don't cost a lot, and I have to follow her ancient prophecies. So I was wondering, couldya help me with a rare heart disease?

Very Much Yours,
In Search of a Heart

____________________

Dear In Search of a Heart,

I suggest you go to 'Old Lady Asiya' if you don't very much like MY advice! GOOD BYE!!

NOT YOURS,
Miss. Affending

Riddles Gone Zombish

Riddles, in Riddle Town are gone ZOMBISH today, here in the Riddle Town Morning. 'So I wake up in za mornin' Sayz Miss. Mitrryl, the town's famouse richest cruelty person, "'N I see, the Riddle family, walking 'round with their hands sticking out, moaning and groaning. I waz terrified I tell ya. I mean.. they were looking at me with their eyes!!" Various reporters have reported in with the description of the zombies... "Their eyes ar yelloow, and they have cracked up teeth, they're real messed up, I tell yar, I do" Sayz Mystery Detective Paloocha. "Rude too, I mean I waz all standin there with my mouth open, gaping at em, and then one looked at me with their hideous eyes, and said, 'Choo lookin' at?'"

Shurriffs are currently investigating what happened to the ever popular sweetie pie Couple Riddle, Riddle Bunch, and Riddle Sandwhich went. "No newz as of yet," says Shurriff Jamintha.

The Ideal Gift

The ideal gift to buy your wonderful charming relatives, and close friends, and even for some, reaaaaally close friends, is to buy them your unrequainted love. SHOW them that you care by ignoring, and killing all of their loved ones, even you if you are one. Of course, the ideality of this is close to heart breaking, but when you gotta do what you gotta do, notin's gonna stand in yo way.So show em you care and buy their love. SHOW YOU CARE DUUUUUUUUUUUDEE!!

Dill Pickles with Cole Slaw

"Dill Pickles, Cole Slaw, heh l0l. Tickle fried turkeys, heh l0l." the advertisement roarz.

"Yesh, i tasted. very good. yum yum.' exclaimed Lady Rain GoGo patting her humongous tummy. "Bad news is that i got tummy ache. augh!"

The latest fashion proved to be very exciting.

"It was so excite!! I was like tickling and laffing!" exclaimed the nerd boy.

The company was happy at the extreme. "WE GOT BUISNESS!! BUISNESS WE GOT!!" they yelled!~

Right away the bad guys came with posters labled: "BAD EFFECTS OF DILL PICKLES WITH ANY TYPE OF FISH!". The stuff in the posters wre very scarifying but some people refused to believe. All..

Anjie Man1986 Brings Disgrace to all the Anjie's!!

Anjie Man1986 publicised that she didn't know how to speak ANY language. According to some, she is a big dumbo bringing disgrace to us Anjie Men.

Anjie Man5678 stated "Anjie Man1986 is delibritely ruining us Anjie Mens reputations. Why, her knowledge in EnglISh is killing!"

"Not only her knowledge," roared Anjie Man7826, "but even her way of comunicating, her dumness and stupidness too!!!"

Anjie Man's dear cousins stared at her with disrespect and anger because she was also bringing a bad name to thier family. Claims family member Sad Man, "People know stare at us with disgrace. They think that no one from us has any knowledge in any thing." Its a big shock to her mother, who said "I had raised her as a wonderful child. She's so kind, and friendly. Her looks were always amazing. I do NOT know what happened."

Well, its a big sadness to all the Anjie Men and Anjie Man1986's family.

The only thing Anjie Man1986 even said after hearing this was "Don't talk ME. You big ugly. you bad ugly."

Very Saddening...

On the other hand, all the Sue Mai Ya's clap thier hands with joy, hearing that they are not the only people who have an "infected" member.. Sue Mai Ya16 had brought big madness to them, when she became so uncool. Now they are a little happy that the Anjie Men are with them.

GOODD NEWS!!!

Miss Writer Sahar let us peak into her upcoming story!! YAY!!

so here's an excerpt:

One day, I decided to teach my family a lesson they would never forget, and I decided to run away. I knew it would be a very hard thing to do, because I barely even had an idea of where to go, so I decided to ask two of my best friends to go with me, and they gladly accepted, because Asi, loved to run away, and Sammy liked adventure.

I waited until it was the right time, and then Asi began packing my bags, but all the while, she kept saying,” Aye, young’un, you mustn’t be taking so much,” and Sammy kept saying, ”Ar, young’un. Put some more.” I was so angry with my family that I kept packing more and more, because I wanted to run away and never come back.

We decided to leave in the middle of the night so no one would know we even left. We tiptoed in the hall and took a peek in Missus’s room. We had to make sure she was asleep. After a long time figuring out whether Missus’s was asleep or not we decide she was. You see, Missus talks during her sleep. And she talks really loudly too.
I could hear her saying: “Oh, Manoeesha! Where are you? Manoeesha, Where are you? Manoeesha, come back to me please.”

She always talked about some person called Manoeesha during her sleep. I wondered who this Manoeesha was, as no one in my family had a name close to that. But now wasn’t the time to be curious. I had an important mission to accomplish!

Well anyways, Asi, Sammy and I left satisfied and set out for Mount Chocks, the perfect place to run away. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could ever find a runaway there. There was one problem with going there though, Mount Chocks was about 3,000 miles away, and it would take 1,000 days to get there and I didn’t really feel like running away to there, but Sammy said that it would be the best place for adventure, and excitement, so we set out for it.

After three days of being runaways, tired, dirty, and terribly hungry, we stopped to rest, in a beautiful garden, filled with roses, tulips, daisies, some crack snappers, and tons of other things I couldn’t name. Asi was dead tired, and she didn’t take even one look at anything. She just collapsed down on a bed of petunias, and began to laugh hysterically, and puked right on a dead tree stump. She lay there, not moving at all, while Sammy and I made a wilderness stew, made out of beanbags, chocolate, and some delicious jackhammers.

Dear Diary, September 5, 20000

Today father and I went down to Earth to shop for shoes. It was a total disaster. As you see, the shoe man wouldn’t accept the gold pieces my father gave him, so they had this big argument. Finally, I got so angry with the shoe man that I grabbed him and punched him. My father got very angry with me so he whipped me long and hard. After my whipping, my back was as red as a purple cherry. A group of orphan children (31 to be exact) thought this was very funny. In fact, they thought it was so funny that they were bawling like big babies. They were crying so loud that a suddenly a big earthquake came and a volcano woke up. And it was so angry with them that it erupted; also meaning it threw up red stuff the earthlings called “lava.” My father got so scared for the children that he inflated himself and sat on top of them. After a while the volcano stopped throwing up. My father got off the children and, but my, their faces were as blue as prunes. Since they couldn’t breathe under my father, they took a great big sip of air now, draining all the air from the shop. Unfortunately, the shoe man missed out on this, and he became bluer and bluer, and bluer, until he became black. Then he just simply died. The kids were orphans and the shoe man took care of them. Now, with him dead, they didn’t have any guardian no more. After learning this, my father decided to adopt them. As we were flying back to Planet Shamgeena, a big baby named Ricardo said his first words, “Mesa, don’t speak no Eeengleesh.” I rolled my eyes and said, “Well, maybe yousa speaka Alieneesh?” He repeated most angrishly, “Mesa don’t speak no Eeengleesh or any other language!” This girl name Ivy said, “You’re cooky.” You could tell from Ricardo’s face that he was most ultimately surprised, “Me cookie, yummy cookie?” And then he ate a big chunk out of his arm.
Most unfortunately, my father had put spells on them so they wouldn’t die when he adopted them. So Ricardo didn’t lose all of his blood. He kept crying and we kept hitting asteroids. Frank, another kid put a knife through his head, and Jacqueline screamed bloody murder when she saw him. And so it went on, and we finally reached, Planet Shamgeena.”