Samantha Jones Listens to You! (On the account of finally getting married)

Our favorite star Samantha Jones is getting married to StarStruck Jonz. "I have looked EVERYWHERE for someone that has the SAME last name as mine. As so I keep my last name as so I remain popular." she says. "Good Idea Don ya Think? And, Jonz is the same as Jones, and its FRENCH~! yeahooO!" "Yezzir I zink perfextly gooz izea I meanz iz zo gooz." says StarStruck. "Wez gonnaz namez our babie O. J. J./ O. J. Jonz/ O. Jones. Jonz/ Ozzy. Jones. Jonz./ OzMOSIS. Jones. Jonz. Zo gooz izea. My fianzee iz to zank for zis. Purty. Hay, Hay, Hay."

EVERYONE is invited to SM.Jay's party. YEHOOO!

WE WUV YOU SMJAY~!

Big Ben Destroyed

The big black hole, Big Ben, in the Children's Lucky Playground is going to be destroyed. Many childrenz are dissapointed with that fact, since Big Ben is their oppertunity to take big important adventures in black holes, and scream their heads off when they go plummeting down the endless capacities of Big Ben.

They have gone on a strike, saying that they wouldn't do any chores, listen to mommies and daddies, go to school, etc. They have proclaimed that now children are made for sitting around and moping, unless Big Ben is not destroyed.

But the Company Of Children's Acts accuse them for wanting to kill themselves. "Big Ben has so far NEVER spit out any of the children that jumped inside it, and screams are forever isuing from it, shattering the town's peaceful silence. It's perfectly good even great to kill it." they say.

And so the two sides are still fighting. No one know outcome.

BTW (BY THE WAY)

The Hacker is put in jail. The Reporters say that they never *EVER* had ANY intentions of letting such an evil dude run the newspaper for them. Hackers are definetly a pollution cause to this society! WE MUST NEVER EVEER tollerate their inciplicit ways to rule the world. Or as Cyber Space as they call it!!

"We must remeber to teach our children good and valuable ways to learn" says Miss. Truth Is Always Good, teacher at local elephantry school. "They must be taught how to reject *ALL* hackers, never minding their intentions... SEE?"

The Hacker, however has payd a million pakistani rupis to state his opinion. "I trying to be good! I GOOD HACKER! WHY YOU NOT SEE?" he sayd to the Secratory of Opinions. He was replied with a simple statement:

"Rule 1- All hackers are notified to be one hundred percent EVIL. We shall not we shall not see them being good or great, or even excellent."

Mr. Paloochie had Faked his Kidnappy

Mr. Paloochie, as you might remember, (if you dont, see archives) had been kidnapped quite a while ago.. Now has been figured that he was not kidnapped, as a matter of fact he had faked his kidnapping to see if people would miss him or if people would be willing to pay a millllllllllllllion YEN for him!

He wazz caught at Lala Land, when Noozley Reporters went there for a winter vacation. Found at the beach sipping pink lemonade, he screamed at his arrest.

Says Mr. Paloochie most shocked, "TIS THE PURRRRRE RESULT OF STINKIN COMPANY!! My wife? SHE IS EVEN A PURE STINKERRRRRR!!! SHE NO LIKE ME! OMG OMG!"

Ms. Paloochie, Mr. Paloochie's wife exclaimed, "DID HE HAVE TO BE FOUND???? I WANTED HIM TO BE LOST FOREVER!! FOREVER AND EVERRRR!!! NOOO...!! MOMMA!!" And with that she burst into a fit of tears.

His kids, however, reacted most happily, "POPPA'S BACK HOME! FOUND FOUND FOUND!! YAHOOO PAPA. YOU RULE!"

Much to Ms. Paloochies happiness, however, Mr. Paloochie is sentenced 3 to 4 seconds in jail! And when he comes home, she's gonna send him to buy the groceries! "Out of sight, Out of mind!" she stated matter-of-factly.

Newspapers Dont Always Tell the Truth!

My apologize guyzzzzz.. YOU TOWNPEOPLES DONT KNOW THAT newspapers dont always have to be telling the truth! GEEEEEZH!

So to tell you the TRUTH then, the reporters did not get murdered.. TRUTH is Miss Reporter Sahibas had went on.. vacation to Lalaland, NU. I was supposed to take charge ....... but they seem to have returend already!! (And also it seems.. they've brought a fiend along with them!!)

SO NOOOOOOOZPAPER EEZ BAKK TO BUZINEzz WITH THEM,

I must leave Miss Serenity's account!

HACKER PROCLAIMS PEOPLE GOING WILD

Dear Miss. Sahar Affendy. YOU SAID I HAVE THIS NEWSPAPER! Who are these people! Please do not do anything alone without notifying me. *sniff* I FEELL SOO ALONE!! I am the hacker. FOREVER will be the hacker. *SNIFF*

i am alive and im gunna get u

i am alive.

Nooz Number WEN
I've like to tell you I have to write nooz now for this nooz pagee. I've like to tell you first nooz i report vill be abaut U.

I've like to tell you that Bisector of Car,, i mean Disector of car vas me. I'v like to tell u i kill them and they die and then i come here to write nooz. bye bye.

The Hacker Takes Over Cyber Space

THE HACKER HAS TAKEN OVER THE NOOZLEY! PROVIDED THAT HE WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT FOR THE REPORTING SISTERS, HE IS CURRENTLY IN CHARGE, AND ORDERS YOU TO PARTAY!!!

Reporting Team Die In Fatal Car Crash

The entire Noozley's reporting team died in a fatal car crash, soon after leaving their studio. No one has any idea OF the simple questions why, and who. The car was evidently disected, and made to not be driven. This happened in a secluded area, and no one knows the doer, or Doger. Whoever did it, bound to have hated them, as the whole townsfolk, so that brings us to know valuable conclusion, or the simple conclusion which concludes the the whole town murdered the team, which of course is totally proposterous.

The detectives are doing whatever they can, and meanwhile all we can do is hope and wait for the conclusion.

Oh yez, and if you're wondering who is the stupid idiot who is writing this, is ME! THE HACKER (from Cyber Space)! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Closed Report

The Affending Noozley, is announcing its temporarily hiatus, meaning the only newspaper the town has ever had will not be selling news again anytime soon. The town is currently down in the dumps, you see, and the reporters find it very disgusting to report of a town of such... disgustingness.

Now, the town is not only down in the dumps, but very sad to see The Affending Noozley go. It's a dillema they had to face 3,000 years ago, and now they face it again. "Three thousand years!! It is hard to wait 3,000 years for our favorite newspaper to come back!" exclaim the townspeople, and all the tourists/visitiors.
"Well its your own fault, you see, for not being so good as to read the newspaper, in other words, I say YOU ARE LYING!!" says a very hurt and sad Miss. Serinity Affendy, captain of the reporting team. "You never appreciated our work! Well, adios amigos to you~!"

Goodbye guys! We'll miss you! A lot! You brought happiness and seclusion to our world! NO ONE CAN EVER DO THAT!!

-The TownsPeople