Karachi Prepares againts the Hacker and his *army* (yea rite..)

reported by Ms. Amriki m'am peeley baal wali..

VAT!!!!!! is this ludukrishna?? " The Hacker vill never survive with out the Naans." - EVERY Proud Karachites claim..

mmhmm sure right. so how is the hacking maniac taking over the world again??? anotehr weakness must be found. Alas!!!

This remains an unsloved case. All of the crazy JAVAAn reporters are scaratching their black baals... like WHY??


IN OTHER NEWS

There is a new discovry.. its kinda relates to the hacker.. itsa female power.. we dunno where its frm.. but we know it exists.. bizarre.. It seems as if the hacker is plannign to raid the world to find this female compnanion to eat naan and ata with. And live hackingly ever after with... THIS IS Just a THEORY

THE NAANS are only a craving.. not survival.. mmmhmmm. it seems as if sumtimes the Hacker becomes frightened when cute lil fuzzy white mice appear. *ponder*... we are researching this.. (ya right..!!!!!)

Like, Take Your Seat, Fuzzy!

Miss. Sakruay is complaining about the elves being too tall. Like she says, it is getting *ABNORMALLY* out of hand!! "They have like, tooken over all the theaters, ya know? I mean well, no human being dares to enter one, cause he/she know he's gonna be trampled by elves! ITS UGH!"

THE END

HAcker Fight SONG!

The rythum of our world beats in surrender to Hacker,
Our blood and our breathing testify,
The rythm of surrender (to the hacker) is a part of who we are,
with each heartbeat and involantary blink of our eye,
A part of us we cant deny.

SING IT NoW! SiNG it! NOW!! And it goes to the toon of LEFT! Left! LEFT RIGHT LEFT!! C'mON! ya know ya waanna!!

*sings along with the HUGe army. (of hacker)*

ToooOT TOOOT!

the ideas of a simple idea

take a look at the map before you. it is red with white stripes on the back. black lands, and red waters. filled with evil. the maps of our world have changed. the black lands specify evil, the red lands specify blood. when will this madness stop? no one knows. we must keep fighting. not for the free world, or anything.the hacker is very kind i'm sure. but we have to fight to keep our normality! ajeebness is a power so filled with evil and shadow, that we must hate it for the rest of our lives. including now.!

The Hacker On His Way To Karachi

Report from Samantha Hilliard

Karchians are extremely *EXTREMELY* scared, since the hacker is heard to be coming there way, which is true, and it's not just a rumor. Ah (changes to southwestern) mean that sum rumors ah soo untruee yah know? But mah news ain't ah rumor, 'cause its truee. 'Cause ah get mah news from the pros. Lahk the pros called Miss. Madam Micchy Munny forever. Miss. Madam Michy Munny is tha greatest provider of the seclusion of horses. Oh deah Gawd. Ah think ahm loosing mah senses. Ah Gotta go nawh.

A State Of Denial

Samantha Jones's Mangi Mangni was today. Now, meeting all of the idiots that Konz calls 'relatives' She began to go through a state of denial, and refused to believe that she was to get married with StarStruck. She has been bursting into tears everytime she looks at her daddy's picture. Her wellwishers, however are most happy. "Say, got anymore of the Choclate De'Liquer? Now I kan finally start partying!" said Fatty Dolger. His wife, however, explains for us that, "... Konz is a very kind person. In which case, Mz. Sam will most likely divorce him, to cause him more pain."

Samantha Jones, as you all know, runs the company, SMJAY Corp., which is famouse all around the block for the most exquiste slaves ever! "I-I- remember the time Sam was a k-kid, an she used to k-ki-ss everyone of my boo boos. eVeRy! Even when it was on some ehh.. *unusual* places. A shame. A shame to see her like this."

Samantha Jones's biography will be out soon, and people are expecting it, since they're afraid (happy) that she'll most likely die of this "HORRIBLE EXPERIANCE!"!

Mr. Tritly Promises Townspeople Another Treat

mr. tritly, well known for his miserliness, said that he would buy another ice cream cone for ever townperson (yes, including childrenz!).

said he, "you allzzzz COULD remember I AM PURTY SURE that fourteen years ago i did this exact thing. now i shall do it again.. my generousity continues to surprise me!!!"

yes, his generosity is very surprising. the mansion he lives in is the only proof of his great wealthyness. his own children (including his onnnnnnly son!) work in order to eat and get educated.

sayz he, "MY CHILDREN NEEED TO LEARN TO EARN A LIVING. I WORKED AND I ENJOY my money. THEY ENJOY THEIR OWN SO WHY CRY ABOUT THIS! BESIDES THEY ARE MYYYYYYYY KIDS AND I DO WHAT I WANT. SO HAHAHAHH!!!"

Janwars in Uproar: Mota Haati Ate All Naan

after a couple of days of the janwars dreamings of naan, the only punjabi left in punjab miss billlo multaan di agreed to ship das (10) kilo of naans to the starving janwars in karachiland. as soon as the shipment arrived however, mr. mota haati devoured each and every naan!!

the other janwars immediately pounced on the selfish haati, and a such a battle ensued, that onlookers sweared they hadnt seen anyone fight like that before. the janwars who were thought to be weaklings, because of their so far defeat from the hacker, surprised the world.

the hacker was very stunned too. "my!" he said. "if the janwars would unite and fight against me, i would never be able to defeat them!"

the janwars finally killed mr. haati who left behind a starving widow and twelve starving children. miss patli haati, his widow, declared "he always ate all the food up, maybe now we can gain some weight too!".. but gaining weight? that seems so far impossible as the whole of karachi is boycotting food of any type until they could taste their favorite naans again.

miss billo multaan di had only this to say, "i've ran out of atta!"

Shopkeepers - Clever Tricks
Warning Shoppers, next time you hear a Shopkeeper advertising you should be carefull to believe them.

Mr. Paloochie relates his recent visit to Mr. Ma Foo's grocery shop:
"HE WAS LIKE YELLIIIIINNNNGG "CHEENEE SAY MEETHAY AAMM(mango)". And so I WAS HAPPY AND I BOUGHTED TWO!! I STARTED TO EAT THEM AND THEY WERE NOTTTTTTT SWEET AT ALLLLL!! OMG!! AND I TOLDED HIM THAT HE WAS A LIEEEEEEEEE!! aND HE SAID CHUP, I SAID CHEENEE SAY MEETHA, YOU DIDN'T PUT THE SUGAR! DOI!!!

Ssooooooo rudddddddde!"

Yes, rude indeed. So, BECAREFUL!

UP DATE..UPDATE!! NOT ALL the Punjabis!!!!!!! ONE sole SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!

Its a plane!! no.. its a bird!!!!!... no its Punjabi billo multaan di.. and shes more alive then ever...and shes not a mere femal gentile of the race, shes a fighter.. shes a beliver. and most of all shes the tandoor wali... how can an army continue to fight withut being fed FRESH naan. ???? Where is the logic behind all this.. all this logic is supported by Mr. AAg Bhujao, although he claims hes not a punjabi folk.. he IS the insurance salesman they tried to beat the $#@! outta last year.
SO why does he defend the punjabis so sincerely????? is it A) perhaps he and Ms. Bil Multaan di are getting it on... now that her KHAWAND is erased frm the picture???.. B) it IZ business yaar... oh well wahtever it is we are sure he will prove to be an excellent Insurance sales men

NOw u must be scartching yer head wondering abt the mysterious sales man.. who is he??? where is he frm?? what is his motive??? power??? and y the PUNJABIS??? ... the truth is.. we dont know. this goes into the unsolved files.. a personal interview with Ms. Billo proved us .. err MORE confused .. she was caught quoting her late khawands words *Billo, teri roti kithey hai????* [ ENGLISH TRANSLATION: O Billo my luv, where is yer roti located?]
this didnt prove much.. we will find out more.. Desi Janwars are dead by now.. not physically jes emotionally.. they need Naan. and KArachitte women fail to produce naanz..
in days to come: Shortage of Naans and arthiritis

Wedding Hill Billies

The cozins of Mr. Konz, the Weddin Hill Billies, have marched into town this night. A live report will issue from the state of Lucksyana.

Dear --STOP-- Serinity,

Ahm --STOP-- at Lucksyana, where --STOP-- the Weddin
--STOP-- Hill Billies have a- --STOP-- arrived to witness --STOP--
the wedding of their cozin Star Struck Konz, an --STOP--
Samantha Jones. They are --STOP-- ajeebly --STOP--
hairy. --STOP-- in unusual places. --STOP--
more report --STOP-- coming soon --STOP--

Lof,
--STOP-- Samreen

Dead Beat Jamrinas

As youz all kan see tewday is mer vinnin deey. Beecaz you arr extremely dumb to think that you can win (drops hackering accent) by trying to support a whole fort with three hundred against 1,000!!! It's merely a just cause that I say to you to give up, and surrender. Otherwise, the fort of Punjab will be destroyed, along with all the Punjabie folk, which means ALL women an children, which means every single person, which means NO ONE WILL BE LEFT ALIVE!! The whole of Punjab will vanish into thin air.

If you think for asking for help from any of your neighboring lands, I suggest not to. YOUR alliences are all under attack. The king of Karachi's mind has been hacked by me, and currently being controled by ME!! SO SHUUUUAAAP and diiiiee!

UpDAtE on THE HACKERS War Against the Desi Janwars -- Straight from the Battlefield!

Mr. Mien Pagal Houn, THE HACKER’s chief instructor, was found injured laying underneath a cherry tree crying softly to himself. His condition is very critical which brings more hope to the Desi Janwars. THE HACKER claimed, "VUT? THIS LIE!! U NO SPEAK TRUTH! I NO B-LEEV! I VILL VIN. TOMORROW! dAT DEFINITE!"

Furthermore, Mr. and Ms. Chumchi, THE HACKER’s own mother and father were brutally killed by him when they said to him, "Beta, larna jhagarna bori baat. Asa nehi karo." When asked about how he feels, THE HACKER was reported to have said, "VUT? ME NO CARE! SHURRAP!"

The Desi Janwars are not in a good shape either. Mr. Shayr, their commander, tripped on THE HACKER’s only wife. Mr. Bhalo lost all his teeth and claws when he was running away from the waves of Ocean. Ocean, meanwhile, was cursing Mr. Bandar for trying to wave like him. Mr. Morghi was caught in the women’s beauty salon, busy beautifying himself in this scary time. Mr. Chuwa and Mr. Chirya was hiding from Mr. Billi and they all refused to show up at the town meeting. Mr. Hathi refused to fight because he remembered that four scores ago he was calling for water but nobody listened, which made him severely anger and blow fumes at his wife. Mr. Kutta was barking loudly because his mother was not allowing him to brush his hair.

The Desi Janwars leader, however, doesn't care the slightest bit and still dreams of his victory day after tomorrow.

The Janwar's UPDATE

Mr. Hacker's plans seem to be tot-ally ruined! His key ally Mr. Tee Pee, (Chief of the Native Amreekan tribes) misunderstood his words (because of his apparent illiteracy in Mr. Hacker's mother tongue) and thought that Hacker was calling for a war against January instead of Janwars!

"It waz a typo on his behalf!" roared the very embarrased Mr. Pee. "Not my fault, I tell you! No sir!"

Hacker still seemed in good spirits, confident that he would be succesful. "These desi dum folk! They no english!" he said "I very smart! I *K*NO*W* english. I vill vin. Tomorrow day of my vin!"

Meanwhile, Native Amreekan world is celebrating the arrival of an early February as Mr. Tee Pee had January killed from the calendars.

jonz confesses

jonz, the newly engaged fiance to samantha jones, confessed his real identity today. he claims that his real name is starstruck konz, and was a real kon artist in real life. "but," says jonz/konz, "i only changed my name because i so very much like the last name jonz, and so very much liked not to be a kon artist, cause the name konz revealed too much about my konny life."

the smjay company's cooperatives are furious, but ms. smjay dismisses the matter with a wave of her newly polished sparkly hands. "oh, its all good. i never knew a person would like my name soooo much! but then again you never know.. or maybe you do. doesn't matter."

the well wishers of ms. jones (now konz i think), are worried for her. "hey ya know, its like the guy's taking his wife's last name, when his wife is supposed to take his last name!" says madam michymunny. "this whole opperation is jacked up."

and so, hate mail arrives as the jones (konz i think) mansion, for mr. jonz (konz maybe?)

Oliphaunts On The Way

The attack on the genral's house was extremely tragic. The genral, died. But, the genral's greatest ever friends, the Oliphaunts have agreed to help the Janwars with this war against Hacking. They have been overcome with grief of their friends death, so they're not a much of an help as you see, and they only are a nuisence, but their help is extremely appreciated..

War Updates:

Lahor is currently fighting it's way to victory, and the forecast is very unclear. We hope for the best.

Hacker Bailed Outta Jail (Reddy for Revenge)

I (the hacker), ladies and gentile meanies, is officially planning to have an all out war against Desi Janwars. It's a totally neccessary thing, of course, since my dear ( i.e. idiotic) Desi Reporters of The Noozley have totally pissed me off. I have an army of tens of thousands of Ganday Batai, all with me, in order to wipe out the entire population of Desi Janwars, and their all mighty allies, the Chaptis, and Chaptai, and tens and thousands of Urdu Speeking Maniacs.

First, I shall do an attack on Lahor, moving on to the capital city of Islamabad. Once that is down, I shall be the victor.

WOMAN AND CHILDREN FIRST TO DIE!

P.S. My army is already on its way to the home of Nilo Pupo, the greatest ever genral, which is in Lahor. THANK YOU!

Childrens Find New Hobbies

The childrens of the town, have discovered something enjoyable to themselves, and quite very disturbing to the growing number of town rickshaw ankuls. (Rickshaw ankuls were first sighted in town four years ago.. They were reported to have escaped their home countries to find a better life here.)

Reports describe the hobby as such: a children motions a rickshaw ankul to stop. Then the children asks the driver "Will you go to the park right now?"

Ankul answers: "Yes I go to park now."

Children says "THEN GO WWWWWHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY FACEEEEEEEE!!!" And with that he slaps the rickshaw ankul with a kirket bat and runs away.

"This is not good! bad! bad children! they must be stop! ve cannot tollly raaate thiz!! baad!! i so scared to drive now! i never stop for people now! i loose business!! this must be end! i vill go to court tomorrow!!!" complained a very angry Mota Ankul.

Kala Ankul joined in saying "my child are starving. they good childs. they no do bad thing. i no earn money now. big boy cries all night. he soooooooo hungry. more hungry then he fat! we not like this when we small. we beed good boys and gulls! they must be gooded!"

Childrens claim they havent had such fun ever before!

Mr. Trittly's son-Gonna Get Married Soon!

Mr. Trittly's son just decided that he was gonna get married to Chinese, Ms. Kaloka.

"VAT YOU SAYYYY?" yelled Mr. Ma Foo, a riksha driver, when he heard the news, "YOU BE MARRYING A CHAPTI!"

"So whatt!" said Mr. Paloochie, "ATleast its not a FOB!!"

Mr. Ma Foo was extremely dissapointed with the news, but Mr. Trittly's son didn't care a single bit because he loved Ms. Kaloka.

"WHY! EVEN HER NAME IS LIKEE OMG COOL!!" he exclamied, "Ms. KALOKA! WOWZERZ! NICEYY! Besides, I Don't CARE IF I MARRY A CHAPTI! ChapTi's CAN BE COOL! doii!"

Half the world agreed with him, and thats all what matters!

"VUt!!!!VUT!!!!VUT!!!

WAT is dis abt dissing the hacker. i happen to know the illiterate fob.. he was a kind human. His vife is abt to bail him out. havnt u heard????? with alot of *dough* he stands as a hero to the paki gundays. There is alvays another side to this corruptness. and I * Arossa Multaan* intend to prove his innocense."

This is a sad sad world. Arossa is the defender of the gunday world. No need to worry or spas out.. the hacker shall stay in his rat-infested cell.

In other news. There is a big frenzy in Small town, B.S.(Big state- the 51st state.. the one no one knows abt except us) That Michelle K. is out to use slaves to create her newst edition to her line of shoes. IT isnt accurate. although her slave of honor was caught quoting * whaaaaaaa, dat byytchhhhh.. how she gunna play me like dat???? WTF???*

well well. umm im guessing errr. there is gunna be more on this. unless. unless UNLESS sumthing *shocking happens*.. cus then there will be a new beginning.




This is my first news headline.. i dont match up to u guys yet.. ill get better i promise *blush*