People, please stop visiting this stupid site. Yours Truly, the Management.

HERE I GO~!!

Dear Miss Affending,

It is to state that I, Baloodi Bear, have caughten a very bad disease of Baloodi
Illnesses.

It is currently driving me so insane that I may not drive my BMX 2,000 to school
anymore, and my high school enemies are incredibly making funny of me.

I wish that this report will be reported back to me with full details on my
recovery. Thank you.

Cordially Yours,
Baloodi Bear

Dear Baloodi Bear,
How are you doing? I am pretty fine. I was pleased to hear that you might not drive your BMX 2000 to school. I was ALSO pleased to hear that your enemies are finally making fun of you. Nice enemies arent very nice, eh?
Bye,
Me.

And yet ANOTHER plague hits the town*

Plague? Hmm.. maybe, but for the one hundred seventy first time, a lot of townspeople are suffering from the same disease. Insanity at the highest..**

"The sad part is that nearly all the well respected folks and folksesses*** are INSANE" exclaimed Mr. Paloochie, one of the few remaining sane respected folk(s).

Nearby, Mr Trittly's entire family howled with laughter when they realized that their mansion had been robbed.

"Tiz must bee da funniest thing I must had seed in maaiii LIFE!" said Mr. Trittly still howling.

"It's really DISSAPPOINTING!!" continued Mr. Paloochie, "Normally, a happy Mr. Trittly would be a wonderful sight, but this.. Its oh so TOO much!!"

The town detectives are still searching for the reason of this mysterious plague.. *****

*huhhhhhhh what town???
**At Hotmail Dot Com
***Now that doesnt seem right!!
****and a generous Mr. Trittly would be the wonderfullest sight
*****We'll keep you updated as well!!

AHH!! Too many notes!

The World Cup Parade

Announcer- Welcome Folks to the bianuall World Cup parade!!! Our first float will be the "T-Shirt" float!!

T-Shirt Float- T-SHIRTS FOR SAAAAAALLE!! T-SHIRTS!!! HAI HAI HAII!! T-SHIRTS FOR SAAAALLEEE!!! Teeeeeeeeee shirts!!! oh oh oh teee shirtssss!! hai hai hai!! TEE SHIRTS!!!

Announcers- Striking performance!! Now everyboday welcome the "Poor Beggers United" float!!!

Poor Beggers United Float- KAAAAAHNA DAI DO NAHHH!! OHHHOOOHHOOO!! PASAI DAI DO NAHHHH!!! OHOHOOOHHH!!! MUJAY PEEEEEEEPPSIII CHAYA HAAAAAAAIII!!! OHHH HOOOOHHHHOO!!!

Announcer(s)- Touching Touching... Now everybody welcome "THE RICHEST" float!!!

THE RICHEST (in responce to the beggars)- TOOJAY kaaahnaaaaaaaaaaa nahi milayga!! Toojayyy.. pasah naaaaaaaaahiii miligahhh.. Or pepsiiii... hamari hayyy.... SO BUGGER OFFF!!!!!

Announcer*S*- NOW--- THE IMITATERS!!!

The Imitaters (imitating song)- MARAY PAAAAAAAAAAS HAIII!! THOOOOOOHHHOO MARAY PAS HAIIII!! OH HOH OHH!!! MARAY PAASS HAIII!!!

Announcers- Lovely Lovely.. NOW THE WORLD CUPP!!!!

The World Cup- WORLD CUP! WORLD CUP!! Tharay khushia lahyagah yay world cup world cup!! tooot tooott!!

Imposters on the Run

The latest hobby here in the town seems to be.. COPYCATTING! Throughout the streets, there seem to be doubles, triples, and even a whole hoard of twin-like people.

"Thiss eeeeez getting VURY disturbing!! Vury bad!" exclaimed the well-known villager, Mr. Paloochie. "Just last night somvun called my home and said he was my son. Why! My son was with me on the phone ven call came!"

Police are also disturbed. Officer Asjanp said that he had 42 young men in custody and all 42 were claiming to be the well-known criminal San T Claws.

"They even had his 2 feet claws!" he sputtered.

Singer Starstruck Konz’s latest album was a hit as millions of fans filled the shops to buy "You Always Copy Me."

A few hours later, however, Starstruck Konz claimed he never sung that.

The worlds going round and round!

The world is going round. Better yet, its going round and round. We find that fact mighty intresting. Hey, don't blame us for being so book worm type... we got it in our BLOOD and we can't go poking and prowling in our blood t o get that bits out of it.

"WOWW!! AT LAST something EVEN A BITT INTRESTING!!!" exclaimed Red Necks for Sale.

Half the customers in Barnes and Nobles agreed wholeheartedly saying that nothing in the world could distract them from living up to thier word.

The Old, Dusty, Building comes BACK to LIFE

Yes, TRUE!! The news agency which had died after getting 'dying fever' from Ms. SMJay is back to life. "ITS A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCEEEEEEE," explained Mr. Paloochie nervously, "TO SEE A WHOLE BUILDING DIEEEEE>> OMG!! OMG!! I'm HAPPE YOU COMED BACCCCCCCKKKKK!!"

Mr. Trittly's entire family was more the delighted when they heard the awesome news. "What? THIS TRUE? YEH00~! VEE VANT TO TELL OTHERZZ OUR THOUGHTS>" they all exclamied in unison when reporters asked about thier thoughts on this affair.

Everybody seems to be overjoyed! "VUTTT? MORE NONSENSE?!! VUT IS THIS? NOOO FAAAAIIIIIIIRRR!!" stated Mrs. Sprinzdeel from inside her grave.

Reporters are very happy that some people even cared. Special thanks to Mr. Paloochie, Mr. Trittly's entire family, and Mrs. Sprinzdeel.

PS: HEY SARA!! HEREZ ONE JUST FOR YOU! LOLZZZ. and cool to the true or false thing.. hmm.. :)

SMJay Company Turned Over to Local Evil Man Alexander THE Impossible

The title says it all!!

SMJay's Death - Not a Rumor

Reporters have just figured out that SMJay is really dead. Her clone, which was made by Prof. HJKlay was destroyed because it braught to many sad memories.

"SMJAy. SMJay. Oh my dear. Oh no! she was the best. HElppp!" cried Mr. Paloochie.

The Letter

Megumi of the New Lands has just written a letter for the president of the Treasure Island, some say it's a peace treaty, but they don't really know. Why don't we find out:

Dear Mr. President,

My Name is Megumi, as you already know, and I would like to invite you to a party on Sunday. It's about Samantha Jones. She, after all, was- I mean is my Godmother after all. I mean soon-to-be-step-mother since she's gonna marry my father, Konz. Anyways, its going to be celebrating the OPINION that her death is only a rumor. We will be watching the news all night long, for recent updates, on this issue. We have fireworks, and all that we will need to celebrate after the police find SM. Jay. And we also have wailers to cry if the news is negative. Please do come. (with/without your people. it doesn't matter).

With All Due Respect,
Megumi Konz
____________________

Not a treaty after all! The crowd is going wild with rage folks. But, wait! it's an invitation to a party instead! Surely, they'll present the treaty then! Who knows?

~*~Hey guys! Thanks for welcoming me and all! I promise I'll try my best to be funny!~*~

Lily-Of-The-Valley's Big Debue

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN- I WILL NOW ANNOUNCE THE ENTERENCE OF MISS. LILY, THE NEW REPORTER OF THE NOOZLEY!!!

This, is the ladie's first famouse words:

Konnichiwa, minna-san! I'm one of Sahar/Samreen/Asiya's friends. They invited me to come here. I don't know if I'm really good at being funny.. but they said to give it a shot, so here I am!!

GIVE HER A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE! (if you dont, I'll RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARR)

ZALLENTE!

News on the Weapons

Here's a little update on the latest weapons/techniques being used by the Army Nians..

*Flash into the Army Nians HQ*

Chief bold
Soldiers normal

"Are YA preePared for da next battle?!!"
Yes sir!
Have your guns?
Yes sir! *raise their guns*
Shields?
Yes sir! Not that we need them though...
Pillows?
Yes sir! We're ready for any pillow fights!!
Pepper?
Yes sir! *sneeze*
Chaat Masala?
Yes sir! *wipe their eyes and nose*

*Flash Back*

Yes thats true, Army Nians Chief has discovered that throwing Chaat Masala on the enemy can make them lose their minds. Lets see how this works out though!

P.S. Sorry For Not Reporting These Days I Completely For- *VOICE IN THE BACKGROUND- DoNT LET THEM PUT HIM IN THE DARK!* I completely forgot.!

Mr. Samuel Oliver Ursula Patrick Ivy (SOUPI) Comes Back From His Vacation

All the town is celebrating today. Why you may ask. Of course! Soupi returned from Valley Qutez! He was very sad to leave his only daughter Manoeesha, but then he decided that living with the princess was way better. "I LOVE her more, ya see.. and even her mother!!" he told reporters. We are so looking forward to have fun with him! "SOUPI RULESZ!"

Samantha Jones' Death A Rumor!!

"A Rumor A Rumor!
Samantha Jones's Death....
A Rumor! A Rumor!!!
YEHOO!"

Is what kid Samantha Jones' fans are singing these days. Yep. Thats right *ADULT* fans!! Samantha Jones' death is a simplicty and beauty of a rumor!! YEAHOO!

The adult fans of Samantha Jones, are acting... crazy, after hearing the exceptionally good news. Both Konz, and Potter (HARRY Potter) have been running to the street without their shirts, and only their white nightie boxers, and yelling happily. "HOW RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDEE!" an elderly (not to mention fat) woman sayz. And we agree. Of course, we *ALWAYS* agree with elderly, fat, women. It's the LAW!

And They Say That Samantha Jones Ruled Forever..

Historians, Physcians, Musicians, Archaeologist, Anthropologists, Geoligists, Engerneeers, and all the world is extremely sad to revel the fact that beautiful, pretiful, kindful, blissful, holyful, extremeful, goodful SMJay (Samantha Jones) has died today. She was one of the many victims in the Hackers brutal slaughtering festivity. Her fiance was a hacker's supportive. Its- its shocking and surprising that someone would do such a thing as to destroy the only beautiful light that this world had.

Deputy Harry Potter's (High School Sweetheart of SMJay) Speech:

"... I knew it, you knew it, everyone knew it! It was just too impossible to get it to our minds that our (rather mine) SMJay wouldn't listen to us! She's been living here for what- ALL HER LIFE? We've been what- HER BESTEST FRIENDS TILL THE END? But- But- people people!" He exclaims to the thundering roar of the world, "SMJay was here dealing with the most powerful evil thing in the world!! The Hacker!! Now, it is true that he hacked her mind. It is true that he is a stupid git. It's all true. But, you see, our SMJay was fighting with him! She was! Remeber her state of denial? I KNEW IT!! I KNEW ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! YOU KNEWWWWWWWWWW IT!! SMJAY DOES NOT- I REPEAT- DOES NOT LOVE KONZ! YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

We will never forget you SMJay!

WE LUV YOU SMJAY!! ALWAYS IN OUR HEARTS!! ZUTTO!!! (FOREVER!)!!

The funeral will be on Moonday, where M&M is going to sing for his mumma.

Bless You SMJAY!!

The tribute to SMJay will be on Channel Never There Never Will Be on 9:00 the friday after the funeral.

The case of the Collapsed Filafil
Reported by Habni Kamal.

Yeah. so thats what happened. ya know? it was like this. i spent like TWO friggen hours preparing this YJUMMMMM Filafil.. but then.. its like OMG!!!! this is da bomb!! soooo good. it had everything in it. i poured my life, soul-- heck my exixstance in this sandwich. so this Friends re run is on. and i look up to see Joey perform a dumb blond trick. and BOOM. it falls apart. it was like in slow motion!!! i couldnt belive it. i got it in time before there were any fatalties. but it was too late. it jes didnt feel right. u know?
like it jes didnt go back to its original form. i think i stand as the accused.. cus ya know... well heres the on the realll down low.. im not supposed to be eating no filafils. see.. umm i dunno how to say this but im PAKI shhhhhhhh!!!! lets keep that on the hush hush.. umm so im still traumatized by the collapse.. they had to call 911. but allahumdullillah im under contorl .. i hyperventialted.. since u know. it was SOO shocking.

in the weeks to come:
Updates on how Habni Kamal recovers, and how she handels this loss.

SHIRRIFS Returned to Improper Functions and Numbers

HARRY POTTAH MUST NOT RETURN TO HOGWARTS!! He'll BE in graaaaaave danger!!

Harry Potter the famest criminaly wizard has announced his return (and that the title of the deputy mayor belongs to HIM). He has been at work lately, and has officially destroyed St. Harry's Institute for Incredibly Criminal Boys, because it violated his name, and prophicy, and returned the Shirriffs to their improper functions, and numbers in order for them to guard his city fiercly.

He has also taught a yung wizard Miss. Virginia Weasly, how to survive under the torment of her husband, Draco Malfoy. "OH, its EXTREMELY excellent! HOW EXTREME! I eXtReMeLy don't have bruises on my arms nowadays!! I'm EXTREMELY looking prettier! Thank you Master Potter~!!" says Ginny. "It's an honor. Really. It is. WHAT? It is!!" exclaims a very red and blushing Master Potter.

Ahh.. can it get better? or for worse?

Karachi Prepares againts the Hacker and his *army* (yea rite..)

reported by Ms. Amriki m'am peeley baal wali..

VAT!!!!!! is this ludukrishna?? " The Hacker vill never survive with out the Naans." - EVERY Proud Karachites claim..

mmhmm sure right. so how is the hacking maniac taking over the world again??? anotehr weakness must be found. Alas!!!

This remains an unsloved case. All of the crazy JAVAAn reporters are scaratching their black baals... like WHY??


IN OTHER NEWS

There is a new discovry.. its kinda relates to the hacker.. itsa female power.. we dunno where its frm.. but we know it exists.. bizarre.. It seems as if the hacker is plannign to raid the world to find this female compnanion to eat naan and ata with. And live hackingly ever after with... THIS IS Just a THEORY

THE NAANS are only a craving.. not survival.. mmmhmmm. it seems as if sumtimes the Hacker becomes frightened when cute lil fuzzy white mice appear. *ponder*... we are researching this.. (ya right..!!!!!)

Like, Take Your Seat, Fuzzy!

Miss. Sakruay is complaining about the elves being too tall. Like she says, it is getting *ABNORMALLY* out of hand!! "They have like, tooken over all the theaters, ya know? I mean well, no human being dares to enter one, cause he/she know he's gonna be trampled by elves! ITS UGH!"

THE END

HAcker Fight SONG!

The rythum of our world beats in surrender to Hacker,
Our blood and our breathing testify,
The rythm of surrender (to the hacker) is a part of who we are,
with each heartbeat and involantary blink of our eye,
A part of us we cant deny.

SING IT NoW! SiNG it! NOW!! And it goes to the toon of LEFT! Left! LEFT RIGHT LEFT!! C'mON! ya know ya waanna!!

*sings along with the HUGe army. (of hacker)*

ToooOT TOOOT!

the ideas of a simple idea

take a look at the map before you. it is red with white stripes on the back. black lands, and red waters. filled with evil. the maps of our world have changed. the black lands specify evil, the red lands specify blood. when will this madness stop? no one knows. we must keep fighting. not for the free world, or anything.the hacker is very kind i'm sure. but we have to fight to keep our normality! ajeebness is a power so filled with evil and shadow, that we must hate it for the rest of our lives. including now.!

The Hacker On His Way To Karachi

Report from Samantha Hilliard

Karchians are extremely *EXTREMELY* scared, since the hacker is heard to be coming there way, which is true, and it's not just a rumor. Ah (changes to southwestern) mean that sum rumors ah soo untruee yah know? But mah news ain't ah rumor, 'cause its truee. 'Cause ah get mah news from the pros. Lahk the pros called Miss. Madam Micchy Munny forever. Miss. Madam Michy Munny is tha greatest provider of the seclusion of horses. Oh deah Gawd. Ah think ahm loosing mah senses. Ah Gotta go nawh.

A State Of Denial

Samantha Jones's Mangi Mangni was today. Now, meeting all of the idiots that Konz calls 'relatives' She began to go through a state of denial, and refused to believe that she was to get married with StarStruck. She has been bursting into tears everytime she looks at her daddy's picture. Her wellwishers, however are most happy. "Say, got anymore of the Choclate De'Liquer? Now I kan finally start partying!" said Fatty Dolger. His wife, however, explains for us that, "... Konz is a very kind person. In which case, Mz. Sam will most likely divorce him, to cause him more pain."

Samantha Jones, as you all know, runs the company, SMJAY Corp., which is famouse all around the block for the most exquiste slaves ever! "I-I- remember the time Sam was a k-kid, an she used to k-ki-ss everyone of my boo boos. eVeRy! Even when it was on some ehh.. *unusual* places. A shame. A shame to see her like this."

Samantha Jones's biography will be out soon, and people are expecting it, since they're afraid (happy) that she'll most likely die of this "HORRIBLE EXPERIANCE!"!

Mr. Tritly Promises Townspeople Another Treat

mr. tritly, well known for his miserliness, said that he would buy another ice cream cone for ever townperson (yes, including childrenz!).

said he, "you allzzzz COULD remember I AM PURTY SURE that fourteen years ago i did this exact thing. now i shall do it again.. my generousity continues to surprise me!!!"

yes, his generosity is very surprising. the mansion he lives in is the only proof of his great wealthyness. his own children (including his onnnnnnly son!) work in order to eat and get educated.

sayz he, "MY CHILDREN NEEED TO LEARN TO EARN A LIVING. I WORKED AND I ENJOY my money. THEY ENJOY THEIR OWN SO WHY CRY ABOUT THIS! BESIDES THEY ARE MYYYYYYYY KIDS AND I DO WHAT I WANT. SO HAHAHAHH!!!"

Janwars in Uproar: Mota Haati Ate All Naan

after a couple of days of the janwars dreamings of naan, the only punjabi left in punjab miss billlo multaan di agreed to ship das (10) kilo of naans to the starving janwars in karachiland. as soon as the shipment arrived however, mr. mota haati devoured each and every naan!!

the other janwars immediately pounced on the selfish haati, and a such a battle ensued, that onlookers sweared they hadnt seen anyone fight like that before. the janwars who were thought to be weaklings, because of their so far defeat from the hacker, surprised the world.

the hacker was very stunned too. "my!" he said. "if the janwars would unite and fight against me, i would never be able to defeat them!"

the janwars finally killed mr. haati who left behind a starving widow and twelve starving children. miss patli haati, his widow, declared "he always ate all the food up, maybe now we can gain some weight too!".. but gaining weight? that seems so far impossible as the whole of karachi is boycotting food of any type until they could taste their favorite naans again.

miss billo multaan di had only this to say, "i've ran out of atta!"

Shopkeepers - Clever Tricks
Warning Shoppers, next time you hear a Shopkeeper advertising you should be carefull to believe them.

Mr. Paloochie relates his recent visit to Mr. Ma Foo's grocery shop:
"HE WAS LIKE YELLIIIIINNNNGG "CHEENEE SAY MEETHAY AAMM(mango)". And so I WAS HAPPY AND I BOUGHTED TWO!! I STARTED TO EAT THEM AND THEY WERE NOTTTTTTT SWEET AT ALLLLL!! OMG!! AND I TOLDED HIM THAT HE WAS A LIEEEEEEEEE!! aND HE SAID CHUP, I SAID CHEENEE SAY MEETHA, YOU DIDN'T PUT THE SUGAR! DOI!!!

Ssooooooo rudddddddde!"

Yes, rude indeed. So, BECAREFUL!

UP DATE..UPDATE!! NOT ALL the Punjabis!!!!!!! ONE sole SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!

Its a plane!! no.. its a bird!!!!!... no its Punjabi billo multaan di.. and shes more alive then ever...and shes not a mere femal gentile of the race, shes a fighter.. shes a beliver. and most of all shes the tandoor wali... how can an army continue to fight withut being fed FRESH naan. ???? Where is the logic behind all this.. all this logic is supported by Mr. AAg Bhujao, although he claims hes not a punjabi folk.. he IS the insurance salesman they tried to beat the $#@! outta last year.
SO why does he defend the punjabis so sincerely????? is it A) perhaps he and Ms. Bil Multaan di are getting it on... now that her KHAWAND is erased frm the picture???.. B) it IZ business yaar... oh well wahtever it is we are sure he will prove to be an excellent Insurance sales men

NOw u must be scartching yer head wondering abt the mysterious sales man.. who is he??? where is he frm?? what is his motive??? power??? and y the PUNJABIS??? ... the truth is.. we dont know. this goes into the unsolved files.. a personal interview with Ms. Billo proved us .. err MORE confused .. she was caught quoting her late khawands words *Billo, teri roti kithey hai????* [ ENGLISH TRANSLATION: O Billo my luv, where is yer roti located?]
this didnt prove much.. we will find out more.. Desi Janwars are dead by now.. not physically jes emotionally.. they need Naan. and KArachitte women fail to produce naanz..
in days to come: Shortage of Naans and arthiritis

Wedding Hill Billies

The cozins of Mr. Konz, the Weddin Hill Billies, have marched into town this night. A live report will issue from the state of Lucksyana.

Dear --STOP-- Serinity,

Ahm --STOP-- at Lucksyana, where --STOP-- the Weddin
--STOP-- Hill Billies have a- --STOP-- arrived to witness --STOP--
the wedding of their cozin Star Struck Konz, an --STOP--
Samantha Jones. They are --STOP-- ajeebly --STOP--
hairy. --STOP-- in unusual places. --STOP--
more report --STOP-- coming soon --STOP--

Lof,
--STOP-- Samreen

Dead Beat Jamrinas

As youz all kan see tewday is mer vinnin deey. Beecaz you arr extremely dumb to think that you can win (drops hackering accent) by trying to support a whole fort with three hundred against 1,000!!! It's merely a just cause that I say to you to give up, and surrender. Otherwise, the fort of Punjab will be destroyed, along with all the Punjabie folk, which means ALL women an children, which means every single person, which means NO ONE WILL BE LEFT ALIVE!! The whole of Punjab will vanish into thin air.

If you think for asking for help from any of your neighboring lands, I suggest not to. YOUR alliences are all under attack. The king of Karachi's mind has been hacked by me, and currently being controled by ME!! SO SHUUUUAAAP and diiiiee!

UpDAtE on THE HACKERS War Against the Desi Janwars -- Straight from the Battlefield!

Mr. Mien Pagal Houn, THE HACKER’s chief instructor, was found injured laying underneath a cherry tree crying softly to himself. His condition is very critical which brings more hope to the Desi Janwars. THE HACKER claimed, "VUT? THIS LIE!! U NO SPEAK TRUTH! I NO B-LEEV! I VILL VIN. TOMORROW! dAT DEFINITE!"

Furthermore, Mr. and Ms. Chumchi, THE HACKER’s own mother and father were brutally killed by him when they said to him, "Beta, larna jhagarna bori baat. Asa nehi karo." When asked about how he feels, THE HACKER was reported to have said, "VUT? ME NO CARE! SHURRAP!"

The Desi Janwars are not in a good shape either. Mr. Shayr, their commander, tripped on THE HACKER’s only wife. Mr. Bhalo lost all his teeth and claws when he was running away from the waves of Ocean. Ocean, meanwhile, was cursing Mr. Bandar for trying to wave like him. Mr. Morghi was caught in the women’s beauty salon, busy beautifying himself in this scary time. Mr. Chuwa and Mr. Chirya was hiding from Mr. Billi and they all refused to show up at the town meeting. Mr. Hathi refused to fight because he remembered that four scores ago he was calling for water but nobody listened, which made him severely anger and blow fumes at his wife. Mr. Kutta was barking loudly because his mother was not allowing him to brush his hair.

The Desi Janwars leader, however, doesn't care the slightest bit and still dreams of his victory day after tomorrow.

The Janwar's UPDATE

Mr. Hacker's plans seem to be tot-ally ruined! His key ally Mr. Tee Pee, (Chief of the Native Amreekan tribes) misunderstood his words (because of his apparent illiteracy in Mr. Hacker's mother tongue) and thought that Hacker was calling for a war against January instead of Janwars!

"It waz a typo on his behalf!" roared the very embarrased Mr. Pee. "Not my fault, I tell you! No sir!"

Hacker still seemed in good spirits, confident that he would be succesful. "These desi dum folk! They no english!" he said "I very smart! I *K*NO*W* english. I vill vin. Tomorrow day of my vin!"

Meanwhile, Native Amreekan world is celebrating the arrival of an early February as Mr. Tee Pee had January killed from the calendars.

jonz confesses

jonz, the newly engaged fiance to samantha jones, confessed his real identity today. he claims that his real name is starstruck konz, and was a real kon artist in real life. "but," says jonz/konz, "i only changed my name because i so very much like the last name jonz, and so very much liked not to be a kon artist, cause the name konz revealed too much about my konny life."

the smjay company's cooperatives are furious, but ms. smjay dismisses the matter with a wave of her newly polished sparkly hands. "oh, its all good. i never knew a person would like my name soooo much! but then again you never know.. or maybe you do. doesn't matter."

the well wishers of ms. jones (now konz i think), are worried for her. "hey ya know, its like the guy's taking his wife's last name, when his wife is supposed to take his last name!" says madam michymunny. "this whole opperation is jacked up."

and so, hate mail arrives as the jones (konz i think) mansion, for mr. jonz (konz maybe?)

Oliphaunts On The Way

The attack on the genral's house was extremely tragic. The genral, died. But, the genral's greatest ever friends, the Oliphaunts have agreed to help the Janwars with this war against Hacking. They have been overcome with grief of their friends death, so they're not a much of an help as you see, and they only are a nuisence, but their help is extremely appreciated..

War Updates:

Lahor is currently fighting it's way to victory, and the forecast is very unclear. We hope for the best.

Hacker Bailed Outta Jail (Reddy for Revenge)

I (the hacker), ladies and gentile meanies, is officially planning to have an all out war against Desi Janwars. It's a totally neccessary thing, of course, since my dear ( i.e. idiotic) Desi Reporters of The Noozley have totally pissed me off. I have an army of tens of thousands of Ganday Batai, all with me, in order to wipe out the entire population of Desi Janwars, and their all mighty allies, the Chaptis, and Chaptai, and tens and thousands of Urdu Speeking Maniacs.

First, I shall do an attack on Lahor, moving on to the capital city of Islamabad. Once that is down, I shall be the victor.

WOMAN AND CHILDREN FIRST TO DIE!

P.S. My army is already on its way to the home of Nilo Pupo, the greatest ever genral, which is in Lahor. THANK YOU!

Childrens Find New Hobbies

The childrens of the town, have discovered something enjoyable to themselves, and quite very disturbing to the growing number of town rickshaw ankuls. (Rickshaw ankuls were first sighted in town four years ago.. They were reported to have escaped their home countries to find a better life here.)

Reports describe the hobby as such: a children motions a rickshaw ankul to stop. Then the children asks the driver "Will you go to the park right now?"

Ankul answers: "Yes I go to park now."

Children says "THEN GO WWWWWHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY FACEEEEEEEE!!!" And with that he slaps the rickshaw ankul with a kirket bat and runs away.

"This is not good! bad! bad children! they must be stop! ve cannot tollly raaate thiz!! baad!! i so scared to drive now! i never stop for people now! i loose business!! this must be end! i vill go to court tomorrow!!!" complained a very angry Mota Ankul.

Kala Ankul joined in saying "my child are starving. they good childs. they no do bad thing. i no earn money now. big boy cries all night. he soooooooo hungry. more hungry then he fat! we not like this when we small. we beed good boys and gulls! they must be gooded!"

Childrens claim they havent had such fun ever before!

Mr. Trittly's son-Gonna Get Married Soon!

Mr. Trittly's son just decided that he was gonna get married to Chinese, Ms. Kaloka.

"VAT YOU SAYYYY?" yelled Mr. Ma Foo, a riksha driver, when he heard the news, "YOU BE MARRYING A CHAPTI!"

"So whatt!" said Mr. Paloochie, "ATleast its not a FOB!!"

Mr. Ma Foo was extremely dissapointed with the news, but Mr. Trittly's son didn't care a single bit because he loved Ms. Kaloka.

"WHY! EVEN HER NAME IS LIKEE OMG COOL!!" he exclamied, "Ms. KALOKA! WOWZERZ! NICEYY! Besides, I Don't CARE IF I MARRY A CHAPTI! ChapTi's CAN BE COOL! doii!"

Half the world agreed with him, and thats all what matters!

"VUt!!!!VUT!!!!VUT!!!

WAT is dis abt dissing the hacker. i happen to know the illiterate fob.. he was a kind human. His vife is abt to bail him out. havnt u heard????? with alot of *dough* he stands as a hero to the paki gundays. There is alvays another side to this corruptness. and I * Arossa Multaan* intend to prove his innocense."

This is a sad sad world. Arossa is the defender of the gunday world. No need to worry or spas out.. the hacker shall stay in his rat-infested cell.

In other news. There is a big frenzy in Small town, B.S.(Big state- the 51st state.. the one no one knows abt except us) That Michelle K. is out to use slaves to create her newst edition to her line of shoes. IT isnt accurate. although her slave of honor was caught quoting * whaaaaaaa, dat byytchhhhh.. how she gunna play me like dat???? WTF???*

well well. umm im guessing errr. there is gunna be more on this. unless. unless UNLESS sumthing *shocking happens*.. cus then there will be a new beginning.




This is my first news headline.. i dont match up to u guys yet.. ill get better i promise *blush*

Samantha Jones Listens to You! (On the account of finally getting married)

Our favorite star Samantha Jones is getting married to StarStruck Jonz. "I have looked EVERYWHERE for someone that has the SAME last name as mine. As so I keep my last name as so I remain popular." she says. "Good Idea Don ya Think? And, Jonz is the same as Jones, and its FRENCH~! yeahooO!" "Yezzir I zink perfextly gooz izea I meanz iz zo gooz." says StarStruck. "Wez gonnaz namez our babie O. J. J./ O. J. Jonz/ O. Jones. Jonz/ Ozzy. Jones. Jonz./ OzMOSIS. Jones. Jonz. Zo gooz izea. My fianzee iz to zank for zis. Purty. Hay, Hay, Hay."

EVERYONE is invited to SM.Jay's party. YEHOOO!

WE WUV YOU SMJAY~!

Big Ben Destroyed

The big black hole, Big Ben, in the Children's Lucky Playground is going to be destroyed. Many childrenz are dissapointed with that fact, since Big Ben is their oppertunity to take big important adventures in black holes, and scream their heads off when they go plummeting down the endless capacities of Big Ben.

They have gone on a strike, saying that they wouldn't do any chores, listen to mommies and daddies, go to school, etc. They have proclaimed that now children are made for sitting around and moping, unless Big Ben is not destroyed.

But the Company Of Children's Acts accuse them for wanting to kill themselves. "Big Ben has so far NEVER spit out any of the children that jumped inside it, and screams are forever isuing from it, shattering the town's peaceful silence. It's perfectly good even great to kill it." they say.

And so the two sides are still fighting. No one know outcome.

BTW (BY THE WAY)

The Hacker is put in jail. The Reporters say that they never *EVER* had ANY intentions of letting such an evil dude run the newspaper for them. Hackers are definetly a pollution cause to this society! WE MUST NEVER EVEER tollerate their inciplicit ways to rule the world. Or as Cyber Space as they call it!!

"We must remeber to teach our children good and valuable ways to learn" says Miss. Truth Is Always Good, teacher at local elephantry school. "They must be taught how to reject *ALL* hackers, never minding their intentions... SEE?"

The Hacker, however has payd a million pakistani rupis to state his opinion. "I trying to be good! I GOOD HACKER! WHY YOU NOT SEE?" he sayd to the Secratory of Opinions. He was replied with a simple statement:

"Rule 1- All hackers are notified to be one hundred percent EVIL. We shall not we shall not see them being good or great, or even excellent."

Mr. Paloochie had Faked his Kidnappy

Mr. Paloochie, as you might remember, (if you dont, see archives) had been kidnapped quite a while ago.. Now has been figured that he was not kidnapped, as a matter of fact he had faked his kidnapping to see if people would miss him or if people would be willing to pay a millllllllllllllion YEN for him!

He wazz caught at Lala Land, when Noozley Reporters went there for a winter vacation. Found at the beach sipping pink lemonade, he screamed at his arrest.

Says Mr. Paloochie most shocked, "TIS THE PURRRRRE RESULT OF STINKIN COMPANY!! My wife? SHE IS EVEN A PURE STINKERRRRRR!!! SHE NO LIKE ME! OMG OMG!"

Ms. Paloochie, Mr. Paloochie's wife exclaimed, "DID HE HAVE TO BE FOUND???? I WANTED HIM TO BE LOST FOREVER!! FOREVER AND EVERRRR!!! NOOO...!! MOMMA!!" And with that she burst into a fit of tears.

His kids, however, reacted most happily, "POPPA'S BACK HOME! FOUND FOUND FOUND!! YAHOOO PAPA. YOU RULE!"

Much to Ms. Paloochies happiness, however, Mr. Paloochie is sentenced 3 to 4 seconds in jail! And when he comes home, she's gonna send him to buy the groceries! "Out of sight, Out of mind!" she stated matter-of-factly.

Newspapers Dont Always Tell the Truth!

My apologize guyzzzzz.. YOU TOWNPEOPLES DONT KNOW THAT newspapers dont always have to be telling the truth! GEEEEEZH!

So to tell you the TRUTH then, the reporters did not get murdered.. TRUTH is Miss Reporter Sahibas had went on.. vacation to Lalaland, NU. I was supposed to take charge ....... but they seem to have returend already!! (And also it seems.. they've brought a fiend along with them!!)

SO NOOOOOOOZPAPER EEZ BAKK TO BUZINEzz WITH THEM,

I must leave Miss Serenity's account!

HACKER PROCLAIMS PEOPLE GOING WILD

Dear Miss. Sahar Affendy. YOU SAID I HAVE THIS NEWSPAPER! Who are these people! Please do not do anything alone without notifying me. *sniff* I FEELL SOO ALONE!! I am the hacker. FOREVER will be the hacker. *SNIFF*

i am alive and im gunna get u

i am alive.

Nooz Number WEN
I've like to tell you I have to write nooz now for this nooz pagee. I've like to tell you first nooz i report vill be abaut U.

I've like to tell you that Bisector of Car,, i mean Disector of car vas me. I'v like to tell u i kill them and they die and then i come here to write nooz. bye bye.

The Hacker Takes Over Cyber Space

THE HACKER HAS TAKEN OVER THE NOOZLEY! PROVIDED THAT HE WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT FOR THE REPORTING SISTERS, HE IS CURRENTLY IN CHARGE, AND ORDERS YOU TO PARTAY!!!

Reporting Team Die In Fatal Car Crash

The entire Noozley's reporting team died in a fatal car crash, soon after leaving their studio. No one has any idea OF the simple questions why, and who. The car was evidently disected, and made to not be driven. This happened in a secluded area, and no one knows the doer, or Doger. Whoever did it, bound to have hated them, as the whole townsfolk, so that brings us to know valuable conclusion, or the simple conclusion which concludes the the whole town murdered the team, which of course is totally proposterous.

The detectives are doing whatever they can, and meanwhile all we can do is hope and wait for the conclusion.

Oh yez, and if you're wondering who is the stupid idiot who is writing this, is ME! THE HACKER (from Cyber Space)! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Closed Report

The Affending Noozley, is announcing its temporarily hiatus, meaning the only newspaper the town has ever had will not be selling news again anytime soon. The town is currently down in the dumps, you see, and the reporters find it very disgusting to report of a town of such... disgustingness.

Now, the town is not only down in the dumps, but very sad to see The Affending Noozley go. It's a dillema they had to face 3,000 years ago, and now they face it again. "Three thousand years!! It is hard to wait 3,000 years for our favorite newspaper to come back!" exclaim the townspeople, and all the tourists/visitiors.
"Well its your own fault, you see, for not being so good as to read the newspaper, in other words, I say YOU ARE LYING!!" says a very hurt and sad Miss. Serinity Affendy, captain of the reporting team. "You never appreciated our work! Well, adios amigos to you~!"

Goodbye guys! We'll miss you! A lot! You brought happiness and seclusion to our world! NO ONE CAN EVER DO THAT!!

-The TownsPeople

Cheebers

Cheebers, a new company has just been launched into the human world. They sell all kinds of cheeby products, for the PERFECT cheebs. Like, Sploosh, the perfect thing to put in yo hair, to make it compLETELY bald!! AND! To make your stomach CHURN!

Olives’ Price Goes Down 3 Cents

This year’s olive crop went really good. So good as a matter of fact, that supermarkets have been forced to lessen the price in order to be able to sell all the olives.

Hearing the news, Mr. Tritly’s Entire Family fell into a fit of sobs.

”We-we u-used to s-save 1 WHOLE dollar by not p-purchasing olives,” wailed a grief-stricken Mr. Tritly. “Now, now.. uhh now! W-we only save 97 c-cents!”

Mr. Paloochie: Kidnapped!

Mr. Paloochie, our fellow townsman has been kidnapped! His kidnappers are demanding one million Japanese yen, or else he will be put to death.

”Its all good,” exclaimed his wife. “We didn’t want him anyway. Good riddance to bad trash!”

His children, however, were facing a different dilemma.

“He-he is OUR fatha!!!” they said sadly. “Momma wont even help us collect the yen! Now whom do we asl for help?”

Mr. Paloochie’s neighbors readily agreed to help. Mr. Paloochie was very popular among the townspeople.

The kidnapper’s letter can be read here: Letter

40 Car Accident on Zillion Street

It started when Miss Petunia Flowers stared out of her car shocked to see a million of cars n the wrong side of the road. “I was horrified!! AND they was all coming straight at mee!! I was gonta DIES when I decided I’d crash at them before theyd crash at me! I did that,” said a badly bruised up Miss Flowers.

The rest of the cars, just crashed into each other and on.. 5 and a half people died. The other half was badly injured.

Humans Sent To Obedience

Like dogs, humans are unfortunatly, not behaving. Say it isn't so!! Farmers have sent their personal humans to Obedience school. Of course, THAT is totally inhumane, but without the simple solution, diary products cannot be produced, along with the rarity of the cows. Of course, I'm the only person that says no to this. The other people are barbarians. I am but a lousy reporter, so does my opinion count? NO! Even the farmers' personal humans like this. BUT ITS BARBARIC I TELL YA! BARBARIC! I meana, making them be treated like DOGS? ANIMAHLS? Who do you think we are? BARBARIANS?

You can never make it grow...

More child sadness. Jamie Thumpy has been waiting patiently and IMpatiently for her plant to grow. Now, she's perfectly tired, and so are her dreams of being a famoooose gardener. Now she plans on becoming a farmer, against her parents wishes. "I care for what they think, but I'm totally kewl on this one darling." she says. "I plan on going out to see the REAL world. Ya know? Expand mah mind? Expand the days of my life! I wanna see! I WANNA SEE!! I wanna become something more than anything I can be! I wanna see the world! Explore the lands! Go on safaris! Hey, I'm free. SO, why not make use of my 'free' life? Hmm? Good Idea? I THOUGHT SO!".

She, is certainly an ambitious girl. I like that. WE NEED MORE PEOPLE LIKE HER!! (S'all good great umm?)

GUNS SHOULD FOREVER BE PROHIBITED! (SEE WHAT HAPPENS?)

A child in her mid fives, lost her bestest ever friend. She is trying- oh what the heck! Why don't we just let her tell her story all by herself? I'm sure she will be the perfect person to! (Other then the fact that I luv how children die- i mean talk) Samantha?

"Dadia sat on my camel, and I sat on her horse. Then we started fighting, and we ended up digging a hole to china and we met Kung Fu Kaa. He told us how to Kung Fu. Then when we went back to the hole, we found it was gone. So we became chinney until our parents rescued us. After our parents rescued us, we found out we had a rare gun disease. my parents told me and Dadia never to use guns again. Me and Dadia got really hungry. We went outside one night, and in my blindness for my hunger for my gun, I accidently killed her. I wept until I went back to the future. I went to visit her grave this afternoon, and I vowed never to use my gun again."

"I-I- shot a few times at the grave, to quench my hunger. Then, I threw it away, where it landed on an old dear reading to her grandma, and it shot a muscle man, who was lifting pistachios on his nose. He looked at me and said- "The phrase Samantha is not average. Its wonderful. The thought that counts". I didn't understand what he said. He was dieing anywyays. Then, I looked to the sky for some signs. Lightning flashed, so I knew that my time had come. I jumped back into the Future. And then, I died when Dadia's spirit took over my body. I didn't care. I was dead before."

*shuffles a stack of papers, looking confused* O-okay! So there you have it! The exact reason why guns are forever prohibited. ;)!

Mr. Paloochie Is Found to be Lost

Mr. Paloochie is lost! Searchers searched the whole town but found no trace of him. “Maybe he just simply wandered away,” suggested his wife cheerfully, “He does it all the time! Well, whatever it is, I don’t care. He was a big pain anyways.”

We are trying our hardest to find him. He was very very important in our news, etc.

”I’m GONNA cry,” announced Mr. Loooskia leaving to his room to start.

”Where has my dear father GONE? YOU DUNNO WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL ITS GONE! I won’t rest until he’s home! We dun wanna grow up, all alone!” sang Mr. Paloochie’s children copying their best friend Adam when his little sister was lost.

Try your hardest to condole his grief-stricken wife and family.

Camp Lousia Plantiya – Drowned!

Yes, our mountain side friend Camp Lousia Plantiya drowned peacefully yesterday.

”It was sooooo ssaaddd like oMG OMG OMG OMGG!!!” yelled Mr. Paloochie tearfully, “I was like shedding tearz for two whole dayz. Yea and nightz OF COURSE NO DUH!!!!!”

Yeah, Camp was one of the coolest soldiers ever.

”OMG! HE WAS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE EARTH!” sobbed Samantha Jones gleefully, “Poor kidd didn’t kno how to swim.. shoulda taught him. My bad.”

So no more ucky blucky mud soups!

Sparring.. Useless Arguments.
Sparring (Stupid Pointless ARguments) are getting quite common throughout Noozville.

“Me and my wittle broddy were like fighting for TWO WHOLE HOURS in DA NIGHT!!” exclaimed Samantha Jones merrily.

Most citizens claim that it’s the funnest thing ta do!! Says Mr. Trittly eagerly, “I was like playin with my motha and then the electricity went away! LIKE OMG OMG!!! and so my brotha came and put on a candle.. And so my motha said, LORD LORD!! ITS GETIN REAAL HOT HERE, SONNY!! ON THE FANNNNN!! And I was like OMG! MOMA YOUR SOO STUPID!! How cud u be so super dum?? HE FAN WILL BLOW OFF THE CANDLE!!! WE WERE like ARGuING WETHER WE ShOULD OR NOT on the FOR HOURZ!! I WAS SAyin light is betta but momma was saying fan was!”

Yes, sparring has become a new hobby for all. Why, even grandpappy’s and granny’s enjoy it so much!!

”We were sparring about owah late aunt and her friend’s death,” said Ms. Looskia, “she drownded in a boat sink ya kno.. her friend made a huge hole in it.. nd poppa was saying she was soo super duM and she shud’ve made anotha hole so da watah wud go right out!.. WE WERE LIKE OMG!! IF SHE DID THENn she’d BE ALIVE! LIKE OMG OMG!!! bad lady, we guesses”

Oh well, we wonder when the people here will find their brains.

“I WAS LOOKING WHOLE MORNING!!” bellowed Rally angrishly, “DON’T YA DARE SAY I LOST IT PURPOSEFULLY! LIKE OMG YOU LIEEEE!!”

Great!! Sad or what?

Sad Dayz...

Today is the first day in the sad dayz space time continueum. In the Sad Days Space Time Continueum, many many sad things happen. Unfortunate events. A whole SERIES of unfortunate events. Murders, robberers, kidnappers, killers, widowers, runawayers....

IN which case the noozley will be filled with sad things. So, be happy and save yourself from a lot of wearisome woe, and not read it, provided you are not one of the reporters. You see, a lot of things aready happened.. but they're for us to know.. and you to find out.. GOOD LUCK!

Crazy Family??

"Mah family's going crazy! c-r-a-z-y!!" announced the Looskia's youngest daughter.

When asked why they were going crazy she replied: "I was chatting to my friend and then all of a sudden my brother comez and starts typing absolute junk. he thought HE was chatting!! LIKE OMG! and so i telled him to stop ya knowz.. and he refused! like AH!! so i started yelling and he all yells at me asking, 'CH00 YELLING FORR?' And then he grabbed me from the neck, and started choking me until my veins popped out! (his were already sky high) And, I had to be rushed to the hospital, but they didnt care, and my veins.. oh my veins..."

"ahhhhhhhh not weird att alllllll!" decidede Mr. Trittly angrily, "You wasted my day. Families are to be appreciated. Like Omigod!!"

"Noo!!" replies the Loooskia girl, "Like he suddenly got the dfhsdihfihsdf fever!!"

Yes, the Trittly family forever will be known as loving. Thanks!

Talking to Inanimate Objects

Reporters have *just* discovered that Mr. Trittly talks to INANIMATE THINGS!!! Yes, lets repeat: INANIMATE OBJECTS!!

"ITS lIKE OH MY LORDY LORD OH LORD!! I'M GONNA WAANNNAA be *just* LIKE HIM!! AWESOMEEEE!! OMG! OMG!!!" cheered Miss. Sprinzdeel from inside her grave.

Yeah, this discovery is like *really* aesome..! "To me its reaaaall easy," said Mr. Trittly blushing slightly, "All you have to do is practice!"

"HOW HOW HOW?? OMG!! OMG!! I'm gonna die if you don't tell me *this* seconD!! OMG!!" yelled Ms. Looskia's son. Mr. Trittly refuses to tell anyone his lively secret. "It'll just RUIN it! Ruin-Ruin!! O MY GOD SAAAD!!" he announced.

Everyone is suggested to *attack* him with questions about it so he finally decides to tell.

Mr. Mittly -- Nice?
Mr. Mittly just announced that he LOVES being nicE!! "Its soo fun and excite! PURE enjoYAbLE!!" he exclaimed.

Currently the nice things he has done are:
Visting Ms. Sprinzdeel's grave.
Giving a lick of his lolipop to his son.
Gicing his legs a feet a rest and walking with shoes on.
Sleeping on the floor so he doesn't hurt his poor bed.

"I'm currentlY WORKING HARD HARD HARD on it!!" he stated, "It'll take time but i think SOON eNuFf i'm GOnNA start looking without my eyes, feeling without my hands, etc!"

His announcement(s) brought a huge uproar to the crowded streets.

"WHYYZZZZ! SUCH AN AWESOME COOLLLLIOO THING! OMG OMG!!" exclaimed Mr. Palooocha happily. But still some people are getting rather *mad* at this stuff. "WHAT YOU do THIS FOR? OMG! CALL THE POLICE!! HE BE BAAAAAD BOY!!" declared Ms. Looskia angrishly.

People are still investigating in wether these acts are good or not..!

And Another Mystery Uncovered: The Value of n!

Math books for centuries have pestered students into trying to figure out the value of the ever-changing n. It finally has been discovered! This discover (like all discovery’s in this town) brought about great celebrations from people from all corners.

“I was doin my mathZ homework when mommy tolded me dat I didntd even hafta do its anymohe!!!” eggzclaimed chubby Joon Loooskia. “it was because she said the mystery was solved!! NO MORE ALGEBRA!! YAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOO!”

Mrs Loooskia was beaming happily. She said she loved riddles but this one had been too hard for her to answer and she earnestly had wished that the answer be discovered in her lifetime. “My wish iz troooo!!” she exclaimed.

The Mayor meanwhile, announced math holidays on Mondays.

Reporter Samreen: Freed at Last!

May we announce the great news: Samreen is free!!

“She was arrested by mistake, much apologies,” said Police Chief, Mr. Pwelees Chee lowering his head.

Pro-Samreens roared with delight, gathering all around her. Parties were to be held all over the town. Anti-Samreen’s joined the celebration as everyone in the town loves to celebrate, no matter what the reason.

Samreen was extremely happy to be free again. “Its great to know that I could get back to my writing,” she said.

The Affending Noozley, this newspaper (and also the newspaper that Samreen works for) announced free subscription to everyone for-ever. Doi (cuz it was already free from before..)

RioTS!!

Reporter Samreen’s recent arrest has brought so many riots especially in the town square. About thirteen people sacrificed their shoes (threw them at the opponents) for her and 17 people actually gained a trip to hospital because of being trampled on, etc.

“JAIL IS NOOO PLACE FOR A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD!!!” Loooskia shouts. Most of Samreen’s supporters, support her only because of her small age or her coolness in speech, clothing, and firmness.

“YES OMG! IT IS FOR A THIREEn year old who told little kiddies to disobey their parents!!” The Entire Titlly family cried. They also swore that they would kill their own granny, mother, father or ANYONE if they told them to disobey their mops and pops!!! “Even brop.“ stated Mr. and Ms. Kusheez

Still others have different views of this recent event. This news was specially hard hit because she was one of the three only reporters in town.

“She’s gone to jail so she’s gone! Forget the past dumbboz. Lets look forward to the clean & rainy future!! SHEESH!” argues Mr. Paloochie.

”Whats the big deal?” slept Miss. Sprindeel, “I sleep a lot too!! I don’t understand this one teensy bit”

Some people in this town are wacko, we guesses.

Freedom of Speech?

Tuesday morning, Samreen supporters and anti-Samreens gathered in Miss Iss Sippi Park to support their causes. The Samreen supporters were mainly kids who hated liver, as well as liked her. The anti-Samreens were angry parents.

Exclaimed Miss Tera Roast Chiken, 12, "Her arrest is unhumane! Freedom of the press is an inalienable right! And this was takenz awayz fromz herz! UNFAIRRRRRRRR!!!"

Mizzus Pees Fried Chiken, Tera Roast's mom disagreed. "Sure there is freedom of speech, but theres also a limit to everything! If da press tellz ya to be disobedient to your momma dear and poppa, you cant just sit and watch!" she waaaailed.

Mr. Loooskia argued saying "Listening to the parents is an obligation for *ALL* children, but! as you said there's a limit to EVERYTHING! If they tell you to do something self-harming, you disobey! Look livers kill!"

"Samreen Rules!" cheered Marianna Jones (the strange named kid in town). "Samreen Rules at Hotmail Dot Com!!"

Yes, she still can be reached at that address.

Reporter Very Bad

Samreen has been convicted of leading children into refusing their parents. She is currently in prison right now, getting what she deserves (tiny electric shocks every now and then), but the St. Mundanies Prison for Extremely Inexcusably Bad Reporters has a mob building up by the minute, demanding to see her (not to mention kill her). "I LUV LIVER!! HOW DARE SHE! AND I MUST POISON MY CHILDREN!! HOW DARE SHE!!" says Miss. Dali Da Dali Dalali. "LIVER RULES! LIVER RULES! SAMMY SOSA STINKS! SAMMY SOSA IS GROSS! LIV-ER RULES! LIV-ER RULES!!" and she goes on chanting with the rest of the mob.

Stayed tuned until later news. The Noozley will be shut down till then, as this is their first incident of a reporter gone mad, and its very disturbing. Hopefully, be back up in time for holiday madness.

Life, Lives, and... LIVER?

Haven't you always complaind about liver? Liver, the most disgusting, gross, ughish thing in the world to eat? But you're parents always made you. Well guess what? NOW YOU DON"T HAVE TO! Because of so many lives being killed by liver, the king/master of the whole world (as he calls himself) has insured a new law that states very clearly:

TIS NOT A RIGHT TO BE KILLED BY LIVER!

So... when you're parents tell you to eat your liver say:

NO! NO!! NO!! I REFUSEI REFUSE TO EAT THE DISGUSTING UGHISH THING!! I REFUSE GOT IT!! YAAAAAAAAAAAHAH!!

Thank You.

Whitehouse Plot

President Whitehouse of Samantha Jones Company is now a target of a bloody cold hearted murderer. He is being moved to the "cal state fullerton school for extremely famouse targeted cold blooded murderers" (CSFSFEFTCBM), to find out the murderer that is bent on killing him. Being an old man with the worth of a dead carrot, the Prez is not really welly gaurded, and his death is predicted to be very soon, like less than 2 days, as so many mad men are so common these days.

The Prez's friends are not really worried about them, being the Eskimos they are. Eskimos, as you know, don't care about anyone else, nontheless, themselves. So, it seems that the Prez hasn't got anyone on his side, so I think he might as well die, anyways. But, he seems determined to live his life. Well, he hasn't gotten any further on finding who the cold blooded murderer, and stuff.

So Much Has Changed...

Jhon McJon had been anxiously been waiting for the time he becomes a grown up. Today, was his birthday, and now, at the age of 24, Jhon McJon has found a mistake in his dream. HE HAS TURNED INTO A GIRL!! "Not literally, only emotionally." says one of McJon's doctors. "We think its a problem with his heart. He's dying. He's gonna come back... as a she." McJon's terrified.

"I don't know what to do!" Says McJon. "Last night, I put on my mother's make up, and arrived at the Night Club with my friends. As soon as they got a good look at me, they started to crack up. One even died. I remember the cracks on his head that were leaking brain juice."

"He had to be rushed to the hospital, but didn't survive. It was gross. But, not his brain juice though. One drop fell into my empty water glass, and without thinking, I drank it. It tasted pretty nice, except for the fact that I'm getting dummer.... and acting more like a monkey."

"There isn't any hope for me, *shrugs* and fortunatly, I don't think I care. I mean, look at the bright side, I still get to live!"

McJon is shunned from all of his fellow maniac stars. "We just don't want to hang around girls, ya know, ya know?" Says Joe Joe Do Do. "Yeah, it's totally impossible.. *shakes head* Girls.... UGH!" Says StarryBrite Maguday (boy).

Doctors are currently gonna research all they can before McJon's death. "He's like a son to us" Says HittyMitty APD.

The Bloody Bombarians Announce Two More Changes to Their Internal Policy

They say they want to bring peace to the village. They say that now they will only eat four healthy villagers in a week.

Diana Blut, well-known BB leader announced this change with the following words: "We want all Magarqians to know that we do not intend any harm to them. Only to their friends. And for this we will not eat their friends. And we will limit that to four a week. We hope this change will make you more happier"

Four Plus Four Has Changed

Four Plus Four = 4+4, who says, and how could it be equal to 8??! Mr. Ting A Ling discovered this exciting thing four minutes after Mr. Sing A Song claimed that 6 times 6 was six(six).

Miss Zomble Burgerz jumped for joy when she heard this. "Itz soo cooooooool!! Math is easier. I never learned the number ate anywayz!! ME GONTA GET A 0% ON NEXT MATHS TEST!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

Tooble Tumble was happier. He said thats excatly what he had tried to explain to his teacher before. "Now she would knows!" he explained.

Two plus Two is equal to 2+2, also.

Dear Miss Affending
Question 1

Dear Miss Affending,

OH GOD!! MY SON HAS BEEN STOLEN FOR OUR FAMILY FORTUNE- EMRALDS!!! Oh god help me pleee...!! please oh please!! Of course we love our emralds more than him, but.... OF COURSE YOU Being THE FAMOUSE MISS AFFENDING , will help us in a way no one could ever imagine You just HAVE to help us! (no reward of course, but still, its our (the richest family in the world, Mytilly,) SON! the most beuatiful boy in the world) Plzz..!

Yours,
The Entire Mytilly Family

Answer 1
Dear the Entire Mytilly Family,

Your son was stolen..? And are your emeralds gonna be kidnapped? Yeaaaaa.

-Yours,
Miss Affending

.·´`•..·´`•.·´`•..·´`•.·´`•..·´`•.·´`•..·´`•.·´`•

Question 2
Dear Miss. Affending,

My little daughter ran away last Monday, and I don't know what to do. Living in a jungle is hard, especially if your daughter is... well... a civillian. You see... there was a fight last Sunday... Most of our houses... burned... my daughter's baby... dead... She's most likely... gonna... kill herself! YOU've GOT to help me! Please o please!

Yours,
Miss. Paloochie!

Answer 2
Dear Miss. Paloochie!

You have a daughter and you are a MISS? Cool and strange.

-Yours,
Miss. Affending

Rally Held in Central Park

After ages of trying, four young persons finally were able to carry out the hardest feat: Rally, the heaviest man on earth, was lifted up. Miss Zookie Tampi, Mr. Rain Goaway, Mr. Itssno Wiing, and Mr. Saart Crytoa, were the four lucky people.

Stated Miss Zookie after her part-taking in the victory, "It was sooo haard. I was to be crying practi-cally!! And I'z like da heaveiest woman in da planet and still it was da hardest thing Id ever carries!"

Mr. Rain Goaway agreed adding that the only thing he has still been unable to do was make the rain go away.

Rally meanwhile, was chirping like a happy bird, singing that the lift was a great pleasurely enjoyment.

A Message From the Reporters

Yesterday (Dec. 15, 2002) we had problems with our publisher and were unable to publish the next issue. So today, we will (try) to give you double the news! Enjoy.. Yum!

Revenge Is Sweet

True Story By Fredrick Van Dam (tis a girl)

My brother has always made fun of me. Says, I don't see the truth. You are blind, he says. I wonder the time to show him. I lie awake every night, and think of every possible way to kill him. I haven't thought of a really thing that will deserve him. Perhaps maybe peeling off his skin, will show him, but maybe its more of a true gruesome fact. He makes fun of me ever so much.

I'm going insane

Trapped, in this black box, hearing forever his taunting cries.

I cannot go on like this any longer.'

But what? can I do?

Its a simple question, that makes my burden more terrible to bear.

Every howl that escapes from his mouth, is enough to make me cry in pain..

Cry. Cry.

MY mother, he killed, my father he killed, will he kill me too? So many scars, from each time he hit me. ALl those things I remember very clearly. I wish we could get along. Perhaps peeling of his skin I know, will show him. Making him into a fur coat for winter will show him. But, all those things, I have thought of. Could even just kill him. Yet, why can't I have the courage to do so? I'm afraid. SO very afraid. Why? A simple question runs through my mind. I remember the thing my mother used to say. "Revenge is sweet, but it's not the only way."

So hard I try, to find, the other way. Yet, its never there. When will it be? SHall I try? TO make friends with him? Will it work?

"Is it so hard," I ask, "to become friends?" Expecting yet another taunt, I get a different answer. "No," he says. "But it is, if we want it so." "I dont want it so!" I cry. "You made it that way," He says. We embrace.

Now I know the truth, which I had been pushing away so long. My dear mother, my father, killed? No. Died, it was their own fault. An escape. Why? Why would they do such things? But I understand. He helps me understand.

~>~>~>~>~>~

Three cheers for Fredrick!! ExcELLENT STORIE!!

International Guffaws

Report by Miss. Redfa

The idea of guffawing, is another old way to laugh. Its simple, but its gaurenteed to be famouse. Excuse me but why? Because its gaurenteed to be fresh fun, and internationally, enjoyable for children of all ages, faces, places, except of course children who are very very inexcusably serious, and do not believe in international guffaws, for example, one of our own reporters, Miss. Hanselfa. Miss. Hanselfa, as you know, is a very talented teacher, who happens to be publically shy, so she cannot speak to her own beautiful emrald pupils. If you get lost in her eyes, you will be looking very closely at them, because they are really very beautiful!

She will be getting married soon, and she misses her fiance very much, in fact, as much as he loves her, which is a little, as they haven't really gotten to know each other very well, but are working towards it everyday, and cannot stand a moment alone without each other! (A/N: OHHH!! How SWEEEEEEEETT!! *glares* Ugh, yuck yuck mush!)

ANYWAYS!! Guffawing, is really very fun, so I daresay you should try it. (A/N: (to teacher) You don't look very much pretty ya know. Teacher: YOU don't look too much like an earthling!! Author: OH rEALLY! I am too very much loking like an earthling I am! (looks like a frog from Samreen's point of view! *throws up hands* Oh well!!)

Anahasoor Brainpiece at YOUR Service, and Ours Too!

Anahasoor Brainpiece, The Senses Restaurant is finally open for business! It promises delightful meals and awesome prices. Said Mr. Kelly Maaaaaort "I'z alwaiz loved to eat and it was zo expensive to do so. I be so happy NOW!"

Anahasoor Brainpiece charges prices considering five different things. To see da scrumptious yummiez it costs 50 cents. To hear the foodz sizzlin’ it costs 1 dollar. To touch the burningness of the meals it costs $1.50. To smell the delightful mouthwatering stinks, it’s a $2.00 job. And to taste anything and everything you just got to pay a mere $3.00!!

Also noted was that if you did any of the above unintentionally, you still hafta pay! “We cant take excuses!” roared Miss Ana Hasoor the queen chef of the restaurant.

Mayor Kerplump attended the grand opening with glowing pleasure. He said “This innovation is sure to change dis world.” He beamed delightedly. “Dis way to charge prices is da best. Lord knows how many people pay to eat when all dey wanted to do was simply sniff!!”

His speech ended with great applauses from all over, shaking the city back and forth.

Paloochie’s Visit to the Zoo
Paloochie visited the zoo last week. She came back ver dissapointed. Below is a transcript of her talk with the ticket booth manager.

Welcome to the Zoo: Hello.! Welcome to the zoo! Your the zebra!
Paloochie: You live in the zoo?
Welcome to the Zoo: Yes, yes, ‘course!
Paloochie: okay, so you must be the monkey
Welcome to the Zoo: Nah, i'm the money collector
Welcome to the Zoo: monkey without the k
Paloochie: I heard there was a very naughty monkey at the zoo that is mashing up computers
Paloochie: it must be u
Welcome to the Zoo: $5 dollars please!
Paloochie: because money collectors don’t live in zoos
Welcome to the Zoo: Nope.! This one does. Money PLZ?
Paloochie: so HAH!
Welcome to the Zoo: HellO! You didnt pay the fee yet!
Paloochie: I dont give $dollars
Welcome to the Zoo: Its not a free zoo!
Welcome to the Zoo: 5 dollars PLeASE!
Paloochie: Sir, I dont hand out money to monkeys so HAH!
Paloochie: No money 4 u
Welcome to the Zoo: Sir, zebra's aren't allowed here for free.. HAND THE MONEY AT ONCE!
Welcome to the Zoo: moneeey.. moNEY PLEASE MONEY~ MY MONEY! MY MOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Welcome to the Zoo: mommmmmmmmmeeeyyyyyyy moneeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy monkeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy please?
Paloochie: Thats good, so now this a weird zoo. Zebras pay and monkeys collect!
Paloochie: out of here!
Welcome to the Zoo: nooooooo! you havent paid yet
Paloochie: I don't know where the topic of zebra even came from
Welcome to the Zoo: yea, ur classified as a zebra in this zoo!
Paloochie: Perhaps you have been collecting from zebras too much today or you hate them quite well.
Welcome to the Zoo: none are correct
Paloochie: I am a normal human who does not tolerate such unethical name-calling.
Paloochie: manners, please
Welcome to the Zoo: ah, well i don't care. I’m a type of human that doesn’t stand manners.
Welcome to the Zoo: I've GROWN UP IN THE ZOO YOU KNOW!! not my fault
Paloochie: You are a monkey. Please do not confuse human and monkey. They are quite separate.
Welcome to the Zoo: unethical name calling please.
Welcome to the Zoo: AHA! I SHALL CONFUES ZEBRA's with human's then!
Welcome to the Zoo: if u object to monkey's, zebra's will do.
Paloochie: I think you have confused everything with everything already, so it is nothing new
Welcome to the Zoo: Yes, Yes, Old Old Old
Paloochie: see you later monkey
Welcome to the Zoo: SEE YA ZEBRAA!
Paloochie: Is zebra leaving at the same time I am?
Welcome to the Zoo: *you still haven't paid yet* sad sad
Paloochie: This is strange!
Welcome to the Zoo: ahhhh YOU ARE THE zeBrA
Paloochie: plus, why is he leaving at all?
Paloochie: He should live in the zoo and be happy like yuou.
Welcome to the Zoo: cuz he/you refused to pay for the food and shelter we provide him here in the zoo
Paloochie: I said, no name calling.
Paloochie: MANNERS, please
Welcome to the Zoo: i said, no manner
Welcome to the Zoo: nno mannnnners! name calling please!!
Paloochie: NAUGHTY monkey! NAUGHTY monkey! NAUGHTY monkey! NAUGHTY monkey!
Welcome to the Zoo: puh leaseeeeeeeeee?
Paloochie: NO!
Welcome to the Zoo: yes YES YES YES~
Welcome to the Zoo: name calling!
Welcome to the Zoo: yes, yes, yes,
Paloochie: I dont even care, so hahahahahhaha
Welcome to the Zoo: bad zebra. shoooooh!
Welcome to the Zoo: YOU DIDNT PAY YET!
Paloochie: because now I am going and you can bother everyone you want
Paloochie: byebye
Welcome to the Zoo: we've been providing u with food for years. and u aren’t even grateful!
Welcome to the Zoo: OFF YA GO! buh bye!
Welcome to the Zoo: we can't tolerate this anymore! sorry..!
Paloochie: I am sorry to here of such terrible treatment of the zebra. Isn;t living in a cage sufficient torture for him?
Paloochie: Oh, no wonder, this is a zoo run by a monkey
Welcome to the Zoo: nope, da more torture the better. its for the zebra's i.e your own training you no.
Welcome to the Zoo: Yes yes yes. its a wonder that u actually accepted my invitation to live in the zoo.
Welcome to the Zoo: i should have talked to u about the money, etc *sad sad*
Welcome to the Zoo: wellll! OFF YA GO!
Paloochie: I think you take a little time to understand some simple stuff: I AM A NORMAL human who does not tolerate such unethical name-calling.
Welcome to the Zoo: your not worthey of living here in my precious zoo~! BAD BAD ZEBRA~ NAUGHT MONKEY!
Welcome to the Zoo: well i am different!!
Welcome to the Zoo: and i treat people who are dff then me like zebra;s
Welcome to the Zoo:aha, am i a reaaaaaaal monkey?
Paloochie: u must be very alone
Paloochie: I think that living withut company has spoiled ur manners
Welcome to the Zoo: or a human called monkey
Paloochie: very undesiarbly
Paloochie: you should go to monkey land
Welcome to the Zoo: no, no. i live with company.. lots of goats, cows, dogs, birds, lions, cheethas
Welcome to the Zoo: and yes, they teach goooood manners
Welcome to the Zoo: ANNIMAL MANNERS ARE THE BEST!

[bye bye from both]

Bad Luck Friday?

More like an awesome Friday the 13^th! The first this city has had in a couple of years!! First, the Riddle Mystery has been solved. Thats the good news part of it. The bad news is, that they're more annoyinger than ever! Second, Miss. Samreen has been removed of the title Miss. Affending, and I, old lady Asiya, have reclaimed the title meant to be mine.. FOREVER!!! So, keep sending in those letters people!!! I'll be waiting with plenty of good advice, (and the U.S. marines)!!! Third, Miss. Looking For a Heart, has finally found one, and Miss. P. P. Ferri has solved her problem with her husband and kids being half werwolves (and half fairies on the account of the children)!! She has divorced her family of freaks, and went away to find a new family that would be much more like her ferrish, and pretty self. Good Luck!!

To all of you, I wish Good Luck and a good night!! Bye! Buh bye!! bYee!! Buh BYEEEEEEE!!

Robbers in Hallowell

Robbers attacked the quiet town of Hallowell, demanding glassess of milk. "I- I- I- was soo scared, I had nothing to do, but- but give em the glasses of egg nog!! But, my clever childer called my granny, and- and *brr shivers* she came." says Mamma Hallowell linking arms with Papa Hallowell. Granny Hallowell did come, but the robbers denied any knowing of doing such things as stealing glasses of milk! "Ugh! Why would anyone do such a thing as blame ME, of a thing as stealing? AND GLASSES OF MILK! How absurd can ya be?" says famouse Ski lander Jenny Poe Jackson. But, Granny H. has founded proof to such things, "The culprits were found with inexcusable proof. They all had thick white milk mustaches!" says she.

"HOW HOW HOW! Is that inexcusable proof?" Asks Miss. Merridal Poppenhiemer. "Anyone could have a thick white mustache made of milk!" But she and her crew were also found in the Hallowell kitchen, chocking the clever childer that called Granny H. That, is inexcusable proof as far as any eye can see. So, they have been arrested for stealing precious eggnogg, and for harrasing, and choking the counties sixth most financial advisors, the Hallowells.

The Grinch Comez Back

Christmas is coming, and the merry folk are running running away! Why do this, at this strange day? Why because the grinch is coming back, some folks say. Coming back to haunt Christmas FOREVER!!! This ain't halloween, ma'am, so why go do this, bam bam bam?

WEll now, as you can see from the rhyme provided by Miss Whee, Christmas will NEVER come!!! Because of the DUMMY WUMMY Grinch! I wanna bed, and some coca, or I'm not doing this DUM report!!!

HUMPH~!! *gets whacked on the head* Alright alright... *shuffles a stack of papers*

Ahh, yes, the Grinch has escaped from the county jail, and sherrifs are frantically trying to find him. Our last chrismas was ruined, so why ruin this one? Nonsense! It must go on! Christmas MUST go on!!!

*sigh* Too boring.. bye! *waves*

Mayor Apartment's Death Day Celebrated
In case ya'all forgot December 13th is also the Death Day of Mayor Apartment (Mayor White House Green House for short), who brutally passed away in peace 43 yearz ago.

Crowds gathered around the city, with strong concentrations near the Central House, partying and celebrating this great day. Said Mr. Pooztay a 91 year old man of Orange Applez "He waz da best mayor dis city ever gotted!!! This day should be celebraaaaaated forever, cuz it was the day he finally left!!"

Miss Poozie agreeed adding "My dad and his dad before that all grew up under his reign! And they hadz the best childhoodz ever. They sayz he was da sweetest man in da world! When he left it was soo a relief!! 12-13 RULES!"

Headaches and Headdoes

Theen chaar panch chay saaath.. How far can you count? Sayzz Mr. Willy Tilly Frilly Hilly "I finally learned da number three!! Oh my!! It took me like four yearz to memorize it! Ya! Im a geniuz!"

"My head starts hurting when anyone mentions the word numbers so dont talk to me about them!!" Exclaimed Zoo Face.

Santi Plause seemed more sensical as she exclaimed she had memorized all the way till fifty-two. "The rest beyond that point is toooooooo hard!!"

"Mein tho sirif panch thak gin sakti houn" said little Rowelllzas sweetly.

A Bit about the Bloody Bombarians
Our previous story (see 12-12-02 in archives) about the interview with the BBs confused a couple of folks, who were wondering who exactly the BBs were. We hope this will answer all inquires. ;))

They say once there was a group of six
Three men, three women and they lived in Ricks.
Said the women to the men, one very fine day
"The world is so filled with delicious prey
Let us hunt every living being day and night
It wouldnt be hard, already we are much of a fright
And when we kill anyone, we eat
Leaving their bones and gobbling their meat."

The men were delighted and they replied
"Oh, lets start right away, before the people hide
Oh lets start right now, our stomachs are grumbling!
We'll rule the world, we could hear the monarchy crumbling!"

And so the Bloody Bomabrians set right out,
Their goal was one, without a doubt
To be the only residents of the universe
Killing every other living thing without a curse!

Beautiful Affairs

Miss. Samantha Jones has some issues about Miss. Merridal Poppenhiemer, who is a smashing young woman in material arts. "I've been trying to get to the black belt for AGES!!" said Jones in her interview, late Friday afternoon. "I've been TRYING but I didn't get it! WHY WHY WHY?" "I don't know! I don't know! I just don't know! Why doesn't she stop asking me that? Why doesn't she stop asking me that? Why doesn't she stop asking me that? HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH! HUMPH!" "BECAUSE YOURE A BIG FAT JERK WHO IS A JERKISHLY REPEATER!!"

But after that hardcore battle they had, the martial arts women have been friends ever since, which was a second ago.!

My beautiful Pera, won't you return to me? Won't you?

Email Culprit Caught!

Does this sound familiar? You recieve an email or an e-card from someone who seems to know you, and then you find out its a total stranger? No need to worry more, the biggest email culprit has been caught red-handed!! Says Mr. Tritly" I was sooooooooo happy when I heard da newz, I was like juggling my wife's shoes! Mr. Fire Dragons 5678 has been so a pain to me lately, I was worrying the whole nights through until my hair turned white. And I through UP!! On my dogs sweater's children.. Oooh I'm so happE! now!"

Mr. Fire Dragons 5678 is the culprit according to the City Police. The lady was caught red-handed (with spots of green AND blue) as she tried to play double act and trick her best friend. Said she on her arrest " Jail is cool! YEA!!!!! FOREVER ME !!!"

Miss Soozy Peez was enthralled by the news. She claimeed "MY lifve was killinj me and girl was bot-her! I waz yelllllling and craming cracka's in mah mouth and geezing my dogs to stay quiet help muRDERERD!!"

Readers are encouraged to email Mr. Fire Dragons 5678 at firedragons5678@hotmail.com for shaming her majesty furtherz!!

YAYA! CELEBRATIONs have been announced throught the city for dis great discovery.

10 minutes till Slob Attack!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, EIGHT MINUTES TILL SLOB ATTACK!!!

*HELP! PALOOCHA!!*

*Paloocha runs comez walkz, etc forward*
Paloocha: Yes Sir.
Madam XTRA: Help! I need your help!
Paloocha: Yes Madam. Most delightedly! What does you be needing?
Madam XTRA: Sir paloochA!! The SLOBZ ARE ATTACKING! In 7 minutes actually! WE NEED YOUR HELPZ! TAKE ARMY! RUN! QuiCK!
Paloocha: Whoa girl, calm down! Yes YEs at your service
*runz ooff*

Madam XTRA: Titly Bachi!! BUTTERFLIES HELP!!
Titly (in a very patli awaaz): Yes, sir.
Madam XTRA: HELP! The Slobz are gonnna attack in 6 minutes! GO WITH YOUR HUSBAND.! AttacK! Finish them all! now HURRY@@
Titly: Sure Madam! *curtsies*

Madam XTRA: MOOJYBOO!!! HELLP!! COME HURRY FASTTHIS SECOND!!
Moojyboo: Yes sir. WHat d'ya need help in? I be happy to help!
Madam XTRA: MooJY, 5 MINUTES TILL SLOBZ ATTACK! QUICK! emergency!!! WE NEED PROTECTION! Go with your sonz to the battlefield and slay them all down!
Moojyboo: Yes Madam. Off i go!

Madam XTRA: HELP Pagal! HELP! PAGAAAAAAAAAL!!
Pagal: Yes sir.
Madam XTRA: 4 minutes tiill Slobz attack!! Quick, unbury your brainz and runn!! HELP THE TOWN! WAAAAAAAAAH!
Pagal: Yes, Madam, At your service.

*interuption* *Titly's Husband comes in"
Titly's Husband: Please Lady, Our womenfolk are tired of standing, the Slobz arent gonna attaaaack! Puhleaze lady!! Zcuse them!!
Madam XTRA: NOt on my dead body! 3 minutes till town is dead. 3 minutes till Slorbz Att-ACK!

Madam XTRA: HELP POOOOLEEZ!! POOOLLLEEC!
Police: Yes sir!
Madam XTRA: The Slorbz are supposed to attack uhs in 2 minutes. Help protect the city
Police: Surely Madam, and we are already doing just tha-t!

Madam XTRA: nooooo!! one minute left waaaaaaaaaaaaaah/ *wals her heart of* *falls on the floor dead*

*minute passes*

*Slorbz attack*

CITY DEAD! Nooooooooo!!!

BBs have a Found Nanny!

Announcement- The Bloody Bombarians announced just today, that they have discovered their long lost Granny Glory. Says Mark Jones official spokeperson for the BBs, 'Hahah! In your face you rotten Magarqians! Now we have a Granny too! A granny that defeats all! Granny GlorY!!!'

Well well, we'll see about that. We have just gotten news that this Grammy Glory is a big black man, wearing glasses and t-shorts, and shirts, with a very hairy body. 'I-I-see her everytime she bathes herself in the little pool in the Magarq Manor, an an.. she's very hariy and UGLY' says Mizz Pandoola. 'Arr... Pandoola.. strange girl.. I'm not a ma- YOU!! MARK!! GET YER SELF BACK IN THE BED YOUNG MAN BEFORE I CALL THE PROPER AUTHORITIES ON YOU!! NOW!! GIT GIT GITTTTT!! GIDDYAP!!!"

And now begins the interview of the Spokesperson, of their beuatiful granny:

Miss. Affending- Well.. how do you like your new grammy Glory?
Mark- *flinches* *flashback..*

Caps- Grammy Glory
Normal- Mark Jones

"YOU! MARK! WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN THEY ASK YOU IF YOU LIKE ME? WHAT DO YOU SAY? WHAT DOOOOOOO YOU SAY?"
"Th-that I like you very much ma'am!"
"DAMN RIGHT YOU DO!!! NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN THEY ASK HOW YOU ARE TREATED?"
"I am treated very badly because she makes us do all the chores?"
"DANG!! HOW'M AH SUPPOSED TO GET IT IN YO STUPID HEAD? WHAT DO YOU SAY? AGAIN, LOUD AND CLEAR!"
"That you are very nice, and we get to do all the chores?"
"DAMN RIGHT I AM!!"
"...."
"NOW! GET IN THERE, AND DO YO STUFF!!!"
"R-r-ight!!"
"GO!!! AND BEHAVE YOURSELF YO FATTY!"
"Y-y-es Ma'am...!"
*end flashback*

Mark- *squrms* (voice in head- say the truth! Mark- no no! She'll kill!! voice in head- yah yo right m'man.. and OUTTTTTT!!) I like her very much, ma'am!!
Miss. Affending- *mockingly* An' why you say that my dear Bloody B?
Mark- C-cause she's the nicest ever! AN' she she.. is strict, and spanks us when we're good, an.. an.. she makes us in to slaves! I luv her!! (translation- She's the meanest slut ever, and she calls us sluts, and she illiglay enslaved us.. an an.. I HATE HER!)
Miss. Affending- *dissapointed* Riteee.. okay .... thats enuf.. my dea bloddy b! AND OUTTTTTTTTTT!!

Her Fame Still Burns Bright

She was a sensation, born in the wildest of plains, and coming to live in the country, not hearing the wild cries of her beautiful beast of a mother to become a lady. Coming here was the choice of her life, and she became a pop star with her sweet ways. Now, Nancy Drew is dead, but we still remember. Her fame still beats bright in the heart that will keep beating until the end of time, although it does not beat as healthy as it did before.

"She got the beat
Yeah yeah...
She got the beat
Oh oh ohh..."

"Tis a shame" Says Miss. Tritinay, crying as she pats her basketballl size tummy. "Me and MUH childerrs loved her hard!!" "I MISS MY BEAUTIFUL BABY!!" says Mrs. Drew, Nancy's mother. "I mainly wanted her money, but.. now I can't have it!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

A Time To Be Born

Two quadruplets, were brutally birthed from their mother. Townsfoke are currently conferring what to do with these lovely things. 'OOOH! I know I know! Make them do chores at the Baker Street first, cause thats the buisiest, and then go on with all the other streets!" Says Miss. Mrittly. Of course, as you know, the lovely things are to become slaves, as it is the right thing to do for a town of caring guardians. 'Don't forget the saying, "It takes a town to raise a child!"' says Miss. Paloocha. And everyone agrees, so the elders of the Affending clan say yes to Prop. 45- MAKE EM SLAVES!!!!

four more people under a rest

four more folks have been put to ah sleep this wednesday according to the city doctors. the sleeping pills were forced in cuz the victims were thought to have participated in the spreading of the winter flu. "we dont know when we'll let them free.. wake them up.." said head doctor miss pelled. "surely not sometime soon!!"

the winter flu has terrified residents every winter for now more then a decade. its cause is unknown but it is thought that the four sleepers have something ta do with it.. so thats why they now are a rested. teha.

The Tale of Two Donkeys

Samantha Jones and co were recently cruising the town of "The Tale of Two Donkeys". They've currently finished acquiring this much information on the citizens of the late town.

If you find anybody fitting thier descriptions even a teeny weeny bit, please contact us IMMIDIATELY either by Broadcasting Yourself or calling us @ toll free 1-800-KURIOUS and speak to our *live* answering machine about that. Thankewzs!

NOTE: THE DEATHS MENTIONED HERE *MIGHT* NOT BE TRUE AND THE PEOPLE MIGHT STILL BE ROAMING 'ROUND HERE!! freaaky or what?

So here goes...
Princess Loli was an awesome coolio. A true hot KID. Duh!! Jub Jub was another hot kid who loved to play with her best friend Pencil Box. Mr. Box who was Pencil’s dad did not allow Jub Jub to play with such cheapo girls. He told Jub Jub to play with hot kids like herself and Jub Jub thought that he meant to play with herself! And so Jub Jub went to Trophy Magnet the wise hot kid leader and asked for an advice. Ms. Magnet told her to play with Mail Stickier. Mail said she ain’t gonna play with anybody but herself. Jub Jub thought it was boring to be a hot kid. She resigned.

Mike Calsco Danny was a lody boy who sang squeaky. CD or as he was known as, was very annoying to Hitler. Hitler complained daily that CD was too lody to be alive. He killed CD.

Then came the monster brothers Sydney Microphone and Mirror Green. They were fat and mowed lawns. Brushing Hair was cool to them. As you might have not known, Brushing Hair was their Mom. They loved school, and once they were told to stay home and they both shouted no! They were killed shortly afterwards.

Then came Ummagine Sally aka Fishwalk. Ummagine Sally was a very pretty girl that loved to walk dogs and fishes. Fishwalk certainly earned lots of money doing that! Pretty soon she became a millionaire and a selfish human girl. But as soon as she became a millionaire she drank a potion known as Life Burg. That killed her.

Jhodora Dark was next on the stage. She sold potions and spells to make a living. But the potion and spells turned against here. She died.

Kauvara Applepot came next. She loved Popsicle and Pop Star. Popsicle and Pop Star were sisters. Miss Applepot played with them daily until the great flood that caused the Star sisters to turn against her. They slaughtered her. They died soon afterwards too.

Little Magician was a cutesy who had no sense of Art and Craft. Art and Craft hired Superman to do something terrible to him. Superman killed Little Magician. Little Magician died. Superman died too. His ghost continues to kill people though. But hopefully will stop soon if not today.

Mcline Randall was a doll. A boy doll in fact. He came alive in the 4th of July. And died on the 14th of August. Short life, eh?

Congratulations Everybody shouted a lot. Congratulations Everybody was a 6th grade buller in the school on the sky; Mr. Little School was his teacher. Mr. Little School was the founder of the school. Most people in the town of “A Tale of Two Donkeys” did not attend school, so they were uneducated. Congratulations was educated. Education killed him and so the saying runs: Education killed Congratulations.

Samantha Flower Parts Jones H. H. was a snow-teenager. Everyone feared her, and so they banished her, and made her live in the Snow Caves, with her friend Nancy Draws A Lot A Little Too Much. Together they got lots of kryptonite, and pelted Bat Man with it, when he tried to rescue the girls. They soon died, after finding out they were SuperTeen, and SuperArt, and both could die from kryptonite.

Mizz Susie Magulliah Tristantical Minorra Mizzipia Mc Heffner was the founder of freckles, and the prettiest woman in the whole world with the longest name. It was said that she had married one of her elf friends, but no one believed it true, so they were equally surprised when Mizz Susie’s son had magical powers. He was mental, and never existed.

Liquid Gorreela was a first class school girl. She never got an F even though she was mostly really close to getting that. She always cheated and sometimes even told on herself to her teacher. Luzika Masiolz, who happened to be her mother, found out and killed her the very second!

Simon Stealing Blood happened to be a thief. He used to say that stealing was in his blood and he couldn’t help it when asked why. Simon’s mother, Grrreatt Morty Cheating Blood loved his habit and told him to cheat also. Simon thought that cheating was super bad and he killed his mom who killed him back!! The end of both….

Lisa luvs Monkeyz was a tornado lover. She ate, drank, and even slept them. Everybody hated her for doing that. Everybody told tornado that Lisa only likes him cause she thought he was rich. Tornado quickie got mad at Everybody because she was almost saying he wasn’t rich. No Human loved luvs Monkeyz so she told Torandoe that and Tornadoe quickie killed Lisa cause he hated No Human.

Gnaw on Tooth was a sad monk. She tried her hardest to live in the palace forever. Sadly, her only *akloti* daughter didn't kno how to cook and so she had to cook for her. But then she got a brilliant idea and told her daughter to buy at fast food shopz. Her daughter agreed unwillingly and cried that of her wish that the palace be her home too.

Trilly McMilly CLoth was a lady porcupine who swore that if she saw Santi Claus she'd rip his enemy's into two. She screamed when she heard that her husband was going to eat the guts out of her. "YUK! LORD LORD!! HELP ME! GOD!" No one or thing came to help so she soon became gutless.

Shakulayayyyyaaaaaaaa was a twinkle star. She lived way up in the sky, so I have not a bit of time to go up, and research about her twinkly life.

BroadayyayyayhB!

No more people of our knowledge have spent some time in the town of “A Tale of Two Donkeys”.

Little Freiyt's Died

We just recieved this newz from the castle of Ms. Princess Dorfy. Princess Dorfy loved to wander and roam in her palaces courtyard because it pleased it to do so. And also, she had a real pretty rose garden that didn’t possess evil magic.

She had three princess friends of course as princess’s only play with their fellow princesses: Dorky, Dorkier, and Dorkiest.

Dorky loved to play on her seesaw and bonk little prince’s heads. One day Dorfy, whose Hispanic family was in Spain, called and said that they miss her. Dorfy resigned her role as a Hispanic. Dorkier loved music and often told her friends about her great love for it. Dorkiest was the smartest and wisest and was planning to become a true prodigy.

One day, when all the friends were swimming in the swamp, superman came swooping down and killed one of them and asked Dorkiest for safety which she delightedly accepted because she hated superman and thought it would be a wise thing to do. The person who was killed was not a friend. Her name was Little Freiyt and she loved to pray in the rain. It was her hobby to do so.

So, everybody said, who cares about Little Freiyt? , but little did they know that her hair was real gold. Her bouncy golden curls were true to their words as they had promised her that when she dies they would turn into gold. Superman was the only man who knew the secret and said that if a man was in need of money Little Freiyt was the area to go.

Sad or what? A terrible loss of *riches* to the whole entire community. *sob*

Bizarre Diseases Strike Southnorthern Wacoia

As more and more citizens of Lialo, (located in Southnorthern Wacoia) capture the latest disease, life there is going crazy. All residents in the area have been warned to stay home during night light hours as the diseases are life threatening.

Common symptoms of this strangeness include sleeping with closed eyes, eating with teeth, sleeping at night, laughing at anything out of the norm, and a sudden dislike for brocolli.

Exclaims Susad Braaan, who attends Ladies Elementary Collage, "My little brother fell asleep last night and, and, OUCH!! I had to wake him up because I didnt want poor mama to fear that her son was ill. But now everyone knows he is ill. Oh how sad. I feel lonely sleeping because my little brother has already done so in the night. A piTy!! He is my only sibling. He was my only companion.."

Letters to Miss. Affending

Dear Miss. Affending,

I am a lonely person, without a heart. I have to know how to get a heart. The old lady Asiya said it'd cure my loniliness, the heart will. So I wahz wondering, how do you get a heart? I mean are they rare? Coz if they are, then I don't think I want one, coz it'll probably cost a lot, and old lady Asiya said that lonliness cures don't cost a lot, and I have to follow her ancient prophecies. So I was wondering, couldya help me with a rare heart disease?

Very Much Yours,
In Search of a Heart

____________________

Dear In Search of a Heart,

I suggest you go to 'Old Lady Asiya' if you don't very much like MY advice! GOOD BYE!!

NOT YOURS,
Miss. Affending

Riddles Gone Zombish

Riddles, in Riddle Town are gone ZOMBISH today, here in the Riddle Town Morning. 'So I wake up in za mornin' Sayz Miss. Mitrryl, the town's famouse richest cruelty person, "'N I see, the Riddle family, walking 'round with their hands sticking out, moaning and groaning. I waz terrified I tell ya. I mean.. they were looking at me with their eyes!!" Various reporters have reported in with the description of the zombies... "Their eyes ar yelloow, and they have cracked up teeth, they're real messed up, I tell yar, I do" Sayz Mystery Detective Paloocha. "Rude too, I mean I waz all standin there with my mouth open, gaping at em, and then one looked at me with their hideous eyes, and said, 'Choo lookin' at?'"

Shurriffs are currently investigating what happened to the ever popular sweetie pie Couple Riddle, Riddle Bunch, and Riddle Sandwhich went. "No newz as of yet," says Shurriff Jamintha.

The Ideal Gift

The ideal gift to buy your wonderful charming relatives, and close friends, and even for some, reaaaaally close friends, is to buy them your unrequainted love. SHOW them that you care by ignoring, and killing all of their loved ones, even you if you are one. Of course, the ideality of this is close to heart breaking, but when you gotta do what you gotta do, notin's gonna stand in yo way.So show em you care and buy their love. SHOW YOU CARE DUUUUUUUUUUUDEE!!

Dill Pickles with Cole Slaw

"Dill Pickles, Cole Slaw, heh l0l. Tickle fried turkeys, heh l0l." the advertisement roarz.

"Yesh, i tasted. very good. yum yum.' exclaimed Lady Rain GoGo patting her humongous tummy. "Bad news is that i got tummy ache. augh!"

The latest fashion proved to be very exciting.

"It was so excite!! I was like tickling and laffing!" exclaimed the nerd boy.

The company was happy at the extreme. "WE GOT BUISNESS!! BUISNESS WE GOT!!" they yelled!~

Right away the bad guys came with posters labled: "BAD EFFECTS OF DILL PICKLES WITH ANY TYPE OF FISH!". The stuff in the posters wre very scarifying but some people refused to believe. All..

Anjie Man1986 Brings Disgrace to all the Anjie's!!

Anjie Man1986 publicised that she didn't know how to speak ANY language. According to some, she is a big dumbo bringing disgrace to us Anjie Men.

Anjie Man5678 stated "Anjie Man1986 is delibritely ruining us Anjie Mens reputations. Why, her knowledge in EnglISh is killing!"

"Not only her knowledge," roared Anjie Man7826, "but even her way of comunicating, her dumness and stupidness too!!!"

Anjie Man's dear cousins stared at her with disrespect and anger because she was also bringing a bad name to thier family. Claims family member Sad Man, "People know stare at us with disgrace. They think that no one from us has any knowledge in any thing." Its a big shock to her mother, who said "I had raised her as a wonderful child. She's so kind, and friendly. Her looks were always amazing. I do NOT know what happened."

Well, its a big sadness to all the Anjie Men and Anjie Man1986's family.

The only thing Anjie Man1986 even said after hearing this was "Don't talk ME. You big ugly. you bad ugly."

Very Saddening...

On the other hand, all the Sue Mai Ya's clap thier hands with joy, hearing that they are not the only people who have an "infected" member.. Sue Mai Ya16 had brought big madness to them, when she became so uncool. Now they are a little happy that the Anjie Men are with them.

GOODD NEWS!!!

Miss Writer Sahar let us peak into her upcoming story!! YAY!!

so here's an excerpt:

One day, I decided to teach my family a lesson they would never forget, and I decided to run away. I knew it would be a very hard thing to do, because I barely even had an idea of where to go, so I decided to ask two of my best friends to go with me, and they gladly accepted, because Asi, loved to run away, and Sammy liked adventure.

I waited until it was the right time, and then Asi began packing my bags, but all the while, she kept saying,” Aye, young’un, you mustn’t be taking so much,” and Sammy kept saying, ”Ar, young’un. Put some more.” I was so angry with my family that I kept packing more and more, because I wanted to run away and never come back.

We decided to leave in the middle of the night so no one would know we even left. We tiptoed in the hall and took a peek in Missus’s room. We had to make sure she was asleep. After a long time figuring out whether Missus’s was asleep or not we decide she was. You see, Missus talks during her sleep. And she talks really loudly too.
I could hear her saying: “Oh, Manoeesha! Where are you? Manoeesha, Where are you? Manoeesha, come back to me please.”

She always talked about some person called Manoeesha during her sleep. I wondered who this Manoeesha was, as no one in my family had a name close to that. But now wasn’t the time to be curious. I had an important mission to accomplish!

Well anyways, Asi, Sammy and I left satisfied and set out for Mount Chocks, the perfect place to run away. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could ever find a runaway there. There was one problem with going there though, Mount Chocks was about 3,000 miles away, and it would take 1,000 days to get there and I didn’t really feel like running away to there, but Sammy said that it would be the best place for adventure, and excitement, so we set out for it.

After three days of being runaways, tired, dirty, and terribly hungry, we stopped to rest, in a beautiful garden, filled with roses, tulips, daisies, some crack snappers, and tons of other things I couldn’t name. Asi was dead tired, and she didn’t take even one look at anything. She just collapsed down on a bed of petunias, and began to laugh hysterically, and puked right on a dead tree stump. She lay there, not moving at all, while Sammy and I made a wilderness stew, made out of beanbags, chocolate, and some delicious jackhammers.

Dear Diary, September 5, 20000

Today father and I went down to Earth to shop for shoes. It was a total disaster. As you see, the shoe man wouldn’t accept the gold pieces my father gave him, so they had this big argument. Finally, I got so angry with the shoe man that I grabbed him and punched him. My father got very angry with me so he whipped me long and hard. After my whipping, my back was as red as a purple cherry. A group of orphan children (31 to be exact) thought this was very funny. In fact, they thought it was so funny that they were bawling like big babies. They were crying so loud that a suddenly a big earthquake came and a volcano woke up. And it was so angry with them that it erupted; also meaning it threw up red stuff the earthlings called “lava.” My father got so scared for the children that he inflated himself and sat on top of them. After a while the volcano stopped throwing up. My father got off the children and, but my, their faces were as blue as prunes. Since they couldn’t breathe under my father, they took a great big sip of air now, draining all the air from the shop. Unfortunately, the shoe man missed out on this, and he became bluer and bluer, and bluer, until he became black. Then he just simply died. The kids were orphans and the shoe man took care of them. Now, with him dead, they didn’t have any guardian no more. After learning this, my father decided to adopt them. As we were flying back to Planet Shamgeena, a big baby named Ricardo said his first words, “Mesa, don’t speak no Eeengleesh.” I rolled my eyes and said, “Well, maybe yousa speaka Alieneesh?” He repeated most angrishly, “Mesa don’t speak no Eeengleesh or any other language!” This girl name Ivy said, “You’re cooky.” You could tell from Ricardo’s face that he was most ultimately surprised, “Me cookie, yummy cookie?” And then he ate a big chunk out of his arm.
Most unfortunately, my father had put spells on them so they wouldn’t die when he adopted them. So Ricardo didn’t lose all of his blood. He kept crying and we kept hitting asteroids. Frank, another kid put a knife through his head, and Jacqueline screamed bloody murder when she saw him. And so it went on, and we finally reached, Planet Shamgeena.”

Children Spotlights

A report by Shakeel Oh Neel

Monday, August 5, 200000000000002,
Traveling in space is a Happy Experiament. Altho, it aint a bit sounding like OMG, its awesome too. For everyone who loves this thing, otta be a bit more concer-ned, cuz its gonna leave soon.

Here is a letter that we recieved from Magarq, 20002, Experiamenting Inc Technologing Since 1900, Also Designing Websites, Forever, Magarq, Forever, 2002, Would like to Speak [M2EITS1ADWFMF2WLTS]...:

Dear Fellow Space Traveling Continuing Fighters,

Space Traveling will meet its end soon, according to the most popular experiance of my son being dead, because of Space Traveling. It is most un earthly, for my son, being dead, because he is VERY much alive.

I love good fights, and I look forward to this one, altho it isnt very much of a fight, cuz you ladies are nothing but:

No good pig stealing rotten great great grandfathers!

Yours Muchly, and looking forwardly, to this fight [YMALFTTF]
Charlie
Officer @ www.magarq.isfunny.com

Hot Lady Bugs are Scorching in the Beaches!


Beetles and bumblebees are bothering combers and tourists relatively this fall. The insects were last seen in the early 1970s.

'They pose quite a big threat to the life of wolves', says Dr. Bradley, the head of the Kill all Bugs in the World to Live Happily Organization. (KABITWTLHO), 'We might just lose World Domination.' 'Well...' he says after asked what world domination got to do with it. 'Nothing much.. but it sounds cool dontcha think?'

This report is in progresss, as we are currently interviewing. THANKS!

Food Fights (on Friday?)

Today, Pupils at Liver Wurst Elephantry School experianced what we call a 'Food Fight Friday'.
'It was AWESOME!! I loved it!!' Delia Brown said in her interview late Sunday afternoon. 'Don't you think I did such a good job?'
Exactly 50 people died of too much food logged in their brains, and a 100 had serious heart attacks.
'I-I-I LOST MY MAMMA!!' says Miss. Perky Pine, a cheerleader at the school. 'It's a pity! She was SUCH a good one too!' her mamma exclaimed.
Both mother and daughter agree that there should be an effort to have more food fights, so that it cleans up this society.
Meanwhile, Prince Pal is looking into this matter, and his majesty doesn't want to enclose information that his highness and the Pal Asscociation has discovered, leaving the onlookers breathless from excitement. 'We haven't found a lot yet, there isn't anything to worry about,' Prince Pal said after 20 young men died from lack of air.
As you can see, the cause of this food fight is not yet discovered, but the pupils are studying as hard as they can to discover it, while the eyes cannot see.

Prank Callz

Mizzer Maddiiiillllllyy of za mozt populayr stoor in toown, is coomplaining about zee extremeness of zee prank callz he getz. Sayz he, "... so the phone rang, and I stumbled to get it. Says the mad woman on the phone, 'HELPPP! MMEEE HOWSEEE is oon fiiireee!!!' Says I, 'Weeel we ain't the fire depertment lady.' Says she, 'Weell.. you're iiinnn iittt, yooou should know.. YOUU would get buuuurened!!' Says I, ''Cha talkin bout lady? I'm content here in mee storee I am' Says she, 'Well DOiII!! I meeent it is yooooooooour what you say.. stooorree on fireee!!' Says I, 'AIIIIIIIIIII!!'. So I rushed my shoppers off my store, only to find 'twas a prank call. Anuzzer simulayr one happened yesterday. I may haf zzoo close my stoore if you peopulz don't hurry and catch the criminuls." Weeel, I say to zis extremely znoobbish man, 'YO STORE AINT THE BEST IN TOWN, AINT!!' What weeell you sayy, hmmMHHHmmm?

Mizzer Butler GONE?

The world's richest bachelor's butler, Mizzer French, is leaving tomorrow for Santa Ana, a few short miles from here. The rich man ends up crying at this sad sad saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad fate. 'I- I- I- WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!' He says laughing and crying. 'He's gonna go! GO GO GO!! I- I- I- WAHHHH!!' We can't get so much as that from him, as he is teaching his first grade class, from which the kids, he ends up taking his all riches from. He will not say anything, so I think that our most bestest ever butler is gonna g-g-g-o-o f-f-f-f-or shure!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Mississippi Flushed (or not?)

The Mississippi river is being flushed of all its water. Pedestrians have decided it to be ajeebly convenient, so as ajeeb as they are, to like ajeebly convenient flushed rivers!!!! Anyways, the car riders are extremely worried about the poor fishies, and the swimmers. 'But,' says Miss Piddeelly, 'This hmm.. how you say... ahh yes! THIS... PREDICTION? No no... hmm.. well... huge problem has hoplessly, no solution. So, I say, we have no right to be worried.' Pedestrians are rejoicing over that statement, and that they are going to win. Who knows? Maybe its not THAT hoplesss Miss Piddeelly!!!

Pop Star Found Dead

MIZZ Srpindeel was fund deeed neeer za highway. Zis waz a total unaccident, and zee hahd been brutally beetin, and leeaft tew die. Za rumorz r zat zee waz murzered cauze zee waz za mozt efficeint pop ztar evah, an her murzer waz plotted for a long time by varioz murzeres, but zay r all very dizzapointed cauze zay zint get to murzer zer, and take all her money. Zee waz killed by Muzer Paloocha, who iz at ummm whatz zee word again? yez large. Muzer Paloocha iz at large. N-e-1 who knowz where zee Muzer iz, plz tellz uz. Thankz!